Gas Is Still Too Cheap

They keep gunning them fatass pickups like overstuffed race cars so, yup, gas must still be too cheap

Know that’s true when I see them all idling in the ATM drivethrus sippin lattes with the A/C on high

Since prices keep going up, we must still be getting a real bargain on the World’s Finest Healthcare

Proud and ignorant patriots keep getting fatter so it looks like factory food also costs a bit too little

God-fearing folks are still threatened by gun-controlling socialists so we must not waiver in our faith

They continue flicking them fricking dirty butts all over which says to me smoking should cost more

Millions of gallons of too-cheap water still wastefully rinse BigAg poisons into our drinking supply

Sometimes almost hear their elitist propaganda so we need to turn up freedom’s channel a bit more

Not everyone knows all the jingles by heart yet so we need to try and increase our media penetration

The Okies keep making lots of new ATV trails in their Colorado forests, so, eyeh, gas is still too cheap

Since we throw away ½ a million bags per minute, it’s obvious that they should cost just a little…

Kids are texting so at least some form of literacy remains to their surely-brighter-than-ours tomorrow

There’s still lots of room in Texas so we’re morally obliged to keep on being fruitful gospel spreaders

Not everything is duplicated in Spanish yet and you know, that really is bringing us all closer together

Rightwingers continue tossing aluminum, glass and plastic away as a real Traditional Family Valueä

Fastbuck developers still find it cheaper to rip up farmland than to rebuild their decayed cheap shit

Miners and drillers remain more concerned with costly regulations than about their poisoned messes

They still think teeny cars rob them of their manhood so they drive giant SUVs to jobs in tiny cubicles

Not everyone is dumbed-down enough yet to uncritically parrot each and every fake news headline

Only half of our graduates caint read so there’s still not enough kids being shoved up from behind

Opinion polls prove that climate change remains just the costly hoax of a few crackpot pergressives

We let our vampire electro-gizzies suck energy 24x7 so there’s room for increases in electrical rates

Us fat, proudly-ignorant, couldnt-have-beens still mount our blessed loud Harleys, so there, by god!

Keep seeing lots of drunken jetski mayhem so the water’s still too clean and gas remains too cheap

40% of babies are bastards so we must more forcefully deny these sinners the evils of birth control

They still wont drive over 5 hours and stand in line longer than all night for a little free dental care

Some of the debt-ridden outsourced have not cowboyed-up to their Self-Responsibility Kool-Aid, yet

So far, not all of us are dumbed-down quite enough to swallow all their lame pre-digested soundbites

There’s still a few of the underclass that don’t believe that tax cuts for the rich trickle down to them

Some idolaters remain convinced that the government should keep subsidizing single-parent litters

Not everyone has totally rejected reason for unshakeable faith yet, so good work still remains for us

TV must be way too cheap cause they keep paying $100 a month to just keep it locked right on Fox

Since we can still afford the million$ per year-per soldier overseas, we can keep exporting freedom

Gotta keep on subsidizing corn syrup cause there’s citizens without any diabetes for us to pay for yet

Bound to keep our guard up what with new job-killing regulations being floated each and every day

They still assure us their people are most precious and we keep trusting they’ll create good new jobs

Our Crumbling Happy Ever After

Met a girl and we fell in love and had 3 of just the most precious and exceptional children, Ever

Wound up divorced and them kids caint read but they are all like totally pierced and tattooed

LiarLoaned us a home with equity potential and a pool, and we made it into our family piggy bank

Refied and spent it all on ourselves and then strategically defaulted on all the underwater notes

Tried sucking my way up in various firms faking it for long hours, weekends and many holidays

They outsourced me permanently at age 50, broke, without a pension – and no benefits til I’m 70

God blessed us with America so we wreaked a violent, and chaotic dominion from sea to shining sea

Ran out of new resources to exploit but do have lots of debts, dirty water and poisoned air to pass on

We worked and saved all our lives, held our heads up high and did not owe a penny to anyone

Wound up broke and drugged, numb and neglected laying in our own wastes, in a septic nursing home

Charged ourselves every new electro-gizzie that the hordes of Chinese slaves provided us on credit

Then we just cut up them cards - since the government bailed out the banks: It was OK for us as well

Worked for years trying to build a sense of community in what we railed on as our racial toxic ghetto

Got pushed out by higher taxes as greedy white developers moved in and gentrified right around us

Finally managed to retire with a little money and a good wife to that long-awaited happily ever after

Lasted nearly 2 years before the pre-funeral healthcare industry swallowed up our entire savings

Followed the call to serve my beloved country and they forged us into a noble warrior team

Now I lay here with my honored brothers for as long as forever really might be to we human beings

Clucked our tongues from inside our cars at the crumbling Indian ruins in that hot and dusty desert

Cause now we know the way to the Happily Ever After, smug in pre-redeemed and everlasting souls

We Give Thanks In A Civilized Manner

    "We got him!" - Barack Obama

That great satan is dead, so why not let’s parade his head on a pike pole down there ta GroundZero

We’re taking to the streets waving flags, shouting violent slogans and jumping up and down

We’re arrogantly unaware that we look just like them stupid camel jockeys we so scathingly dismiss

Shooting him dead vastly fortified our ignorant pride and momentarily blocked out our real problems

Now we can street-chant USA, USA, USA! until we’re hoarse – But, Oh-no, we aint like them ayrabs

Violent death is something we all understand from the movies and we joyfully party hearty to his

I really feel like I did something and it’s so freaking good to know that killer is dead, dead, dead….

Fist-pumping and screaming but, Hell no! we don’t resemble them numbnut ragheads at all

At last we have vengeance – His violent death deeply satisfies us at that gut level - Where we live

So now they all see once again the vast superiority of this blessed land and of us, His chosen people

Let us rejoice like at some good old fashioned lynching, witch-burning or race riot violence

We can stamp on infantile effigies of him that we cheeringly burn on our littered, decaying streets

Know that real justice has been visited at long last on this mass murderer, and that we exult

We can all join hands in celebration, for once again we have carried out our God’s will

And you can bet that his death wont turn out to be just a good career move to further his evil cause

Damn would we like to see the HD video of that Seal raid and the slo-mo hi-cal gunshots to his head

Revenge is ours at last and, as leaders say, it demonstrates what we are still capable of as a people

Our retribution is so sweet that we can quickly, easily and totally forget its decade of delay

And now is the time for our politicos to ride the wave of mindless jingoism to their own benefit

This is exactly the kind of solution we really need for all the rest of these like complex issues

Let’s trot out our tired religious leaders to assure us once again of the sanctity of our cause

We can all puff up like mating toads from the glory reflected off the bullet-shredded corpses

Show us the enhanced pictures so that we can gain our vital and sanctimonious closure, at long last

Ignore the billions spent, the global goodwill lost and the years it took just to find the smelly wacko

Let us savor this great victory and reflect once more upon our divinely ordained exceptionist role

For this moves us forward on all fronts, further advancing the bright beacon of our noble ideals

Know that thru this killing we have once again righted ourselves after that greatest of wrongs

So dance and shout as if our home team had won some big championship - Broadcast nationwide

Unnecessary And Unpatriotic Questions

Why does it take regulation to get you to do the right thing which you must always first call meddling

How well do you sleep opposing mercury emission rules to protect the brains of infants and birds

Why can you insist that your company did nothing wrong but agree to pay that huge fine and penalty

How does it feel to have been lying so much and so often that it now feels just like telling the truth

Does god tell you to worry more about pollution regulations than what pollution does to people

How could you stuff mortgage funds with bad loans, hedge against them, yet pitch them as safe bets

Why must you always, always, overstate the savings and underestimate the costs of gov’t programs

How come golden parachutes work come profit or loss but you cancel benefits owed to the offshored

Why do you tailor purchased research just so you can keep harming your customers a little bit longer

What sense does it make to raise the retirement age when firms routinely dump all workers over 50

Why must we be expert at your deliberately over-complicated financial scams and work full time

How come you keep overusing livestock antibiotics which breeds resistant strains that infect humans

Why do you keep trying to falsely differentiate between lobbying, consulting and influence-peddling

What enduring patriotic wisdom is there to your greedy, one-track, pursuit of over-the-top millions

How can you be so eager to clear your name but be so unable and unwilling to make any statements

How come we even need the EPA if everyone loves the earth as much as your warm corporate ads say

Doctors, what possible excuse could you have for secretly taking money and perqs from drug firms

Yeah and you, why are 5% of patients responsible for fully 50% of all our bloated healthcare spending

And how will your blessed free market bring healthcare to unemployed, dropout, unmarried mothers

How could you just lay in front of TV for 20 years and dare bitch cause you’re fat and have no skills

Why are your out-of-context statistics any more valid than the junk science you rail so loudly against

How dare you claim innocence as your outsourced, uninspected, foreign ingredients poison customers

Why must you exaggerate, omit, take out-of-context and just plain lie during your political debates

How is it you spend millions on flag-waving ads after you offshored design, production and support

How can you keep a straight face hailing more spending without new revenues as bipartisan progress

How do you justify poisoning consumers on sugar, salt and fat just to snatch your tainted millions

To what end do you support outspending all other countries combined on arms, each and every year

How will you keep a straight face reading your expensive and fictional biographies to the grandkids

Why do you play the Hitler card when debating the birthrate of those mired in generational poverty

How can you proudly deny we create a mass extinction with our divine duty to fruitfully overpopulate

How could you so quietly ignore the thousands of liberated civilians euphemized as collateral damage

What makes you trumpet our national glory despite education, healthcare and employment statistics

How dare you counsel foreigners to eco-preservation given our SlashAndBurn/SmashAndGrab record

How could you put 599 additives in your cigarettes yet leave in the polonium from the fertilizer

Why is it you believe that your spoiled, illiterate, slacking offspring will be tomorrow’s world leaders

How can you stand to pimp them an imaginary eternal heaven in exchange for their fictional souls

Yes, We Could Have

So-called Progressive Politicians are just as lame as their Conserve nothing friends across the aisle

 Sure, we can twist facts and omit at-odds details, just like our esteemed colleagues across the aisle

We too, can cunningly bump our poll numbers by reading other’s stirring speeches after tragic events

Yes we can, act like we held fast to our beliefs, after we compromised them up front and in secret

Know that we, as well, smilingly inflate potential savings and deliberately underestimate true costs

We, also, hype pitiful sops to the commoners as we find new ways to coddle our rich supporters

We find it possible to express our strong ecological concern even as we continue relaxing regulations

We speak earnestly of change while, behind the scenes, we simply carry on with business as usual

We trumpet wasted budget-busting giveaways to both sides as truly patriotic bipartisan compromises

We glibly promised jobs in clean energy but continued subsidizing ethanol and all types of fossil fuels

Hey, we too wear lapel pin flags and piously mouth God Bless America just as often as the Right

Turns out our donor base is also Big Money Movers and Shakers and not really just the little guys

And by god, our bristling, increased arms budgets prove that we are not even Soft On Defense

Yes we can! – Falsely pimp even whoppingly fat tax cuts for the rich as a victory for the working man

You bet we posture for the polls: Right up there with the best of their empty political fashion models

Just like them, we, too, are all lawyers: Masters of obfuscation, doublespeak and the fine print

We are able to ignore decaying infrastructure and failed kids just as well as our patriotic opponents

We can heap scorn upon the ruling financiers, even as we subsidize their remaining Too Big To Fail

Sure, we patronize phony corporate college and pro sports, just like previous lame administrations

See us worship schools never mentioning that students wont find the jobs needed to repay their loans

You’ll hear us rapidly co-opting their newly-minted Traditional family values™ to our own selfish ends

Yes we can, still subsidize corn sugar creating the diabetes that you can believe we overpay to treat

We can place the exceptionist wreath upon our citizens in front of the world, just like conservatives

We actually could have reformed healthcare but political expediency warped that effort into disaster

Watch as we, as well, recast unaudited earmark spending as shovel-ready, job-creating investments

WE could have sold off our pickups and SUVs, gone back to school and even lost some weight, too

We might have demanded they stop spending more on arms than the whole world put together

We could have admitted we pay much more but get far less from the worlds finest healthcare system

Yes we can, loudly demand deficit reduction, but without any real benefit cuts and no new taxes

Yes, we might not have hired illegales if we didn’t save so much in taxes, wages and benes doing so

We can talk of good nutrition as we permit expensive, patented GMOs to pervert our organic crops

Yes, we could have gone deeper than their soundbites and pondered a bit beyond their catchphrases

We might not have taken out liar loans, forgone some vacations and even saved a bit for retirement

Yes, up to our necks in the tarpits of Washngton we can still talk of change you should still believe in

Yes, we could actually have realized that things were far too gone to repair in like a year or so

Yes, we could have realized that consumerism, finance and real estate can’t anchor our kid’s futures

We might have even faced up to the tough reality of a bleak, gray, post-Gipper Morning In America

Fighting off that New World Order, One Day At A Time

Taking it Nice and Easy and Keeping it Simple and Real

Got to keep them subversive liberal plots at bay, especially during my long and lonely, dark nights

I’m always on guard against tumbling back into their falsely-complex and sorely-conflicted details

Just need to stay focused on our family as per the good book and then things will naturally work out

My sponsors in this join me on TV every day and they massage that Good Message deep into my heart

One day at a time is how we get by in this sinful world that constantly strives to corrupt our souls

We must battle the temptations of junk science as ever laid bare before us on our free phone Apps

Our ears are closed to the melodic siren songs of their elitist lies, half-truths and hypnotizing slogans

Verily, we rest upon the strength of a literalist revealed message standing as a great rock beneath us

When my belief is tested, I orient to the beacon of conservative talking heads for merciful assurance

Thusly, at least for this one day, such as that vast and costly climate hoax shall not enslave my mind

I promise to look right on past the poverty that surrounds me one more time on my way home tonight

Yes, I am saved by swallowing the simple black and white as served up by my media opinion leaders

I find the strength to ignore our future by staying lost in the lofty pursuit of daily family happiness

I’m not succumbing to their sovereignty-stealing internationalism or fuzzy maths, not for this 1 night

I march on, Clean and Sober, wiped with purest bible dogma and tightly swaddled in unyielding faith

Easy Does It, in fact, super easy and absolutely just as simple as I can possibly have it spooned in me

Ceded my authority, responsibility and control to a higher power – But…I still order my wife around

Really like the sound of forever and for always even though I pledge to take life one day at a time

Still, I’m better now than I used to be, no longer fretting privately over those false uncertainties

Stopped dousing my fears with drugs and pulled a protective burka of blind faith down over my head

I pledge to end entitlements one by one to focus upon feeding the defense and healthcare vampires

We must remove the ugly tentacles of government from about our lives one nasty sucker at a time

We’ll save their unborn bastard kids one after another and then line them up for prison in single file

Nice and easy, they are lowering our living standards so slowly that we really cannot quite notice

Regained my sanity by conquering their spiteful confusion, thanks to my greater spiritual authority

Recognizing gods mysterious ways has freed me from that dark and threatening liberal uncertainty

Got spiritual support available 24x7 should their porn-like propaganda seem about to overcome me

Just a few bad dreams now and then to remind me of the ungodly web of secularity I have escaped

Unloaded my troublesome burdens to those wise young central market planners down on Wall Street

Focused on important stuff: my ignorant kids, diabetic wife, red meat, gas prices and corpro-sports

My bros and I, shoulder to shoulder, fat guts hanging out, stave off each and every new regulation

Fighting that New World Order one day at a time with fastfood, cheap imports and cable TV news

I gotta keep it simple and real, under control and without contradictions, focused on the present

Wont be tricked into that awful anxiety by them one-worlder’s falsely crying wolf...again and again

Pray with me for a moment and their artificial, media-induced uncertainty will pass once more

God knows bringing home the red bacon and putting the white bread on the table is task enough…

Phony Issues We Could Righteously Ignore

But still: Faith, Family and Freedom did prevail

Took no action that might curb the disgusting obesity epidemic decimating the pickup and SUV class

Still kept our stupid noses way too far up in that filthy Middle East and there still aint no progress

Oh, yeah, never did get the big banks small enough to be able to just let their greedy asses fail

Didn’t really even talk about declining family income and the rapidly shrinking middle class at all

Whoops, them Great Lakes keep being abused as convenient combination dump and sewage lagoon

Dangit, really need to get BigAg to save water, use less fertilizer and lay off pesticides, Sometime

Cows, pigs and chickens are still breeding resistant microbes after being overdosed on antibiotics

Weren’t able to convince the Best and Brightest to do real work instead of hollow Wall Street scams

Forgot to start rebuilding the roads, bridges, electric grid, water systems and ports - once again

Didn’t have the time to eat right but were able to gorge enough fast food to add a few more pounds

Denied any obligation to those unaborted, sinful single-parent children destined only to go to jail

Unknowingly increased our toxic emissions by another 16% last year despite the economic slowdown

Failed to realize that expiring temporary stimuli automatically morph into forbidden tax increases

The diabetes plague raged on as gov’t subsidies for the corn syrup that cause it remained unchanged

Never even heard as ignorant foreigners laughed at our gridlocked government like a bad Polack joke

Didn’t concern ourselves with the Feds collecting vast amounts of our private information in secret

Shoot, really shoulda maybe taken a quick look at all those ever-filthier rivers and streams

That purulently over-complicated tax code coulda been reworked…

Woulda tried ta lower my cholesterol and stuff but, bein busy, why, fast food was the cheapest

Forgot about repairing, reusing, repurposing and recycling after that there Great Recession

They still refused to learn English but we’re real busy putting everything in Spanish, so it’s OK

Still paying absurdly exorbitant cable, cell and internet bills but barely getting 3^rd world service…

Got beyond preventing climate change but neglected to even start planning for its very real effects

Didn’t remember to look for alternative news outlets and kept on single-sourcing my canned opinions

Ignored controlling the costliest yet least effective health care system of all the developed countries

Forgot to stop staring as their overpaid, ignorant fupball giants in shiny tights bent over in fronta me

Lost track of quality of life indicators but remained focused only on unemployment, GDP and stocks

Once again avoided statistics about our precious children falling behind in reading, math and science

Didnt notice that the unemployment rate went down mostly cause lots of people just gave up looking

Still disregard that BigAg poisons our soils and lets them blow away in the interests of larger bonuses

Subconsciously overlooked the record numbers without insurance, on welfare and using food stamps

Kept confusing Yankee Ingenuity with offshoring design, production and support for fat CEO bonuses

Omitted demanding the secret sauces they’re fracking into our drinking water to export fossil fuels

Just let that giant, smelly and toxic dead spot at the Mississippi delta remain our fair nation’s anus

Maintained a Survival of the Fittest attitude regarding the mass extinction our overpopulation caused

Forgot we’re hurtling towards endless oblivion while looking forward only to one more lost weekend

We Reject Confusing Elitist Uncertainty

I refuse to see any stuff that’s not in black or white - I ignore them confusing colors and blurry grays

Don’t want no vague probabilities or inconclusive correlations – Dammit, a simple Yes or No will do

It just comes down like this one more time – We’re against them unless and until they see it our way

God bless the reassuring truth in ‘The only right way to do this is…’, for them overcomplicated issues

We’ll stay with the hard and fast WordaGod over some crackpot theories of acupla wacko scientists

But, that there Survival Of The Fittest does prove winners take all on His earth, under our dominion

Its either clearly black or white or it’s just really boring, stupid and we can all make fun of it

Hey! Can the frickin conflictin evidence and get on with the abridged executive action summary

Got no time to consider multiple unclear distinctions or various superfluous overlapping alternatives

Hurry up with the takeout conclusion and dont confuse me with them messy slaughterhouse details

And dont forget that, to spare us any guilt, our faith-based decisions must never need to be reviewed

Back off with your junk research…all we need to decide are family values laced with literal scripture

Like our forefathers said why, way, way back then in the 60s: Budro, you can either love it or leave it

If our ordained mouthpieces allege that it could cost us any jobs or money, well, Im right up aginst it

Look, you can't have everything, so just narrow it down to two clear choices and make up your mind

Anyways, data and options overload is really just one more LibSoch tactic of them godless NewAgers

We can always ask what would jesus do, and come up with a straight answer outta the good book

Reconsideration, ambiguity and ambivalence are the squirrelly dodges of them moral flip-floppers

Besides, our faith ensures our decisions are free of all crippling doubt and wasteful reconsideration

Therefore, we demand the simplified moral clarity of a sharia-like but bible-based resolution process

Skip the footnotes, references, formulas and complicated graphs just gimme the ordained takeaway

Anyway, it’s dangerous to even hear their artificial shades of meaning as the devil owns their tongues

If they say it was good enough for our unknown yet fictionalized ancestors, it’ll still work right for us

Just give us that musical HD videobite endlessly repeating a simple catchphrase and we’re good ta go

The pride they encourage in our illiteracy nurtures our scoffing contempt at ever going into depth

We reject the elite who dare to scorn the patriotic lowest common denominator in news and analysis

We’ll take wicked terrorist demons over complex op-eds, long sentences and big words, anytime

But just remember we need a colorful spin to explanations to avoid any troubling contradictions

We simply dont trust those who confuse us with too many alternatives and overly-subtle distinctions

And dont forget to drench us only in simple but emotionally-charged, vitally-unimportant issues

Calm and reasoned debates are for those constantly wavering and absolutely spineless squishes

In any case, spurious shades of meaning simply taint the faith-based truth for which we so thirst

Listen, there aint any choice besides heaven or hell right? So that’s how everything else should be

For the devil really is down in them confusing and conflicted, bogus and unnecessary details

So hush up your messy contradictions now so that we can unconsciously and blissfully ignore them

Give us that short, shouted slogan backed with a slick 30 second music video and we’re good to go