Almost Monday Morning

Well, it’s almost Monday morning, wunce agin without no warnin

Said things was getting better cause us ducks caint get much wetter

I aint no bailed-out bankin snob or getting by on your basic welfare fraud

Yup, its halfpast Sunday evnin, and it sure aint no help ta grievin

Yessir, it’s almost Monday morning and who was it said poverty is boring

Took the kids out fer their school clothes but they just wanted them new iPhones

They aint goin to no sock hops and they wont wear stuff from no thrift shops

And its halfpast Sunday evnin, so maybe I’ll jest take to thievin

Hey, it’s almost Monday mornin and the wife’s jist back from whorin

Ma old truck needs new tires and I still aint fixed them melted wires

Caint buy no real cigarettes but we’re still gettin good fastfood nerishmint

Sure its halfpast Sunday evnin and once more I get this dream of leavin

Listen, it’s almost Monday morning and the traffics not yet quite roaring

99 weeks of unemployment aint exactly what I’d think of as enjoyment

All the kids can text but their meds give em readin side effects

Once again it’s halfpast Sunday evnin and I heard them liberals schemin

It’s almost Monday mornin and we done drunk up the rent again, little dorlin

Got doctors down to the ER, but that free dentist is just too damn far

Already sucked up all the good beer, looks like my youngest really is queer

Wow, it’s halfpast Sunday evening but see I get this trouble breathin

Christ, it’s almost Monday mornin and the bill collecters will be callin

Hey, its really just like its rainin so there aint no use to complainin

The broke junk all comes from Shanghai and their phones all go ta Mumbai

Holy shit, it’s halfpast Sunday evenin with nothin to believe in

Whoa, it’s almost Monday morning and I still aint buyin that global warmin

We get Cheetos with our food stamps so this modular aint no refugee camp

Blame it mainly on them squishes so I aint takin no job washin dishes

Man, it’s halfpast Sunday evenin and the grandkids wont stop screemin

Look out, it’s almost Monday mornin and this hangover’s sure is splittin

Sissie run off to live with her real dad when they met up down to Rehab

The wife stays somewhere over the rainbow and I got a growth on my elbow

Why it’s halfpast Sunday evenin and I still caint git in touch with my real feelins

Mental Projectile Vomit

Tried to stay real quiet, like off in the background, just getting by with my family on some local level

But this wack media contagion produces a purulent, pus-like slime that I must squeeze from my head

It’s involuntary: Like throwing up spoiled food or the productive green cough of an old lung infection

It’s obviously infinitesimal, but still infinitely more than all of their tiredly-tacit approval combined

Had to have something to point to, maybe to say I told them so, just by bearing this useless witness

I must compulsively and repeatedly examine my effluent like any good geriatric dog turd inspector

Like one of those horrible six foot tapeworms, at maturity it just simply had to try and crawl out

Note: It’s absolutely confused, pointless and random given the ongoing fool accident that is my life

I am forced to try to expel all the rotten advertising, filthy propaganda, dirty lies and false promises

I strive to relieve the cramps produced by the twisted facts I had always swallowed without chewing

Hoped that I could belch out the mercury, lead, diesel fumes, plastic particulates and food additives

Struggled painfully to disgorge those spiny contradictions which simply worked deeper into my gut

Had to say something, or correctly be filed away among all the lazy, ignorant and righteously blind

I’m still exuding lumps of half-digested morals, pre-masticated beliefs and half-baked family values

It’s not from any ethereal inspiration: I’m simply overflowing with a compressed & composted excess

It aint from higher moral ground: It’s more like purging myself by kneeling before the porcelain god

A spasmodic expulsion of squirming masses of festering inconsistencies has become my moral orgasm

So now I regularly excrete unsorted wads of greasy old sales pitches, and that briefly calms me

I suffer a revolting flatulence from the additives found in their incessant hot air political releases

But I had to have something to point to, though I’m quite aware its meaning is only within my mind

I sneeze constantly from allergies to their suits, ties, makeup, lapel flags and flashy propaganda

I just couldn’t remain a placid, bovine team player until they callously outsourced me permanently

There’s just too much bad shit going on that I don’t agree with to nod quietly off, drugged by TV

Dont want them to think I leave Raptured, mutely accepting their vapid smoke, noise and pettiness

Yeah, setting the record straight with feeble, unheard squeaks that evaporate as quickly as I do

This aint no call to action, not looking for followers - Just trying to wipe my brain like I do my ass

Yup, I realize that it’s only for me - not for anyone else to pay attention to, understand or adopt

Motivated solely to purge after my lifelong grunting suckle at the toxic teat of a rancid consumerism

Couldn’t let all their self-serving shit slide any more, even as I slip off into the collective oblivion

Of course it doesn’t matter - but it’s easily as meaningful as the crap they portray as so important

Anyways, not even every whispered sigh of the wind in the trees is heard, much less listened to

It’s just that a rare side-effect of being fattened on pureed bullshit is mental projectile vomiting

Had to say something just for myself but aware that it cant move even one molecule out in the void

This foul waste will soon be more diluted than minnow shit in a stream draining into some vast ocean

But: I aint using whatever mute testimony or like strong silence to let them impute my core beliefs

Nope, I’m leavin a steamin pile of ‘em right here to dry up and blow away along with my lame ashes

What Me Worry?

Alfred E. Neuman

Dead trees and record heat, despoiled oceans and filthy skies – Its just part of gods mysterious plan

Hey, I’m OK with eroded soil, fouled drinking water, poisoned rivers, acid seas and clearcut forests

Let’s carry on with the over-population, fetal heavy metal and patriotic outsourcing for fat bonuses

Be guided by myopic greed, shun all regulation, let rigged free market oligarchies chart our course

You can keep on postponing the tough entitlement decisions and ignoring our decaying infrastructure

Yes, let the loud, black-and-white neo-traditionalists spin us on with slick, simple and angry tirades

Dont raise taxes, lower benefits or decrease waste: Spend more, cut taxes and label it bipartisanship

Right On to failing education, multi-generational welfare, industrial agriculture and more acid rain

It’s OK, I can handle mass extinctions, loss of habitat, climate refugees and nitrogen overdosing

Dieoffs, blights, epidemics, famines, droughts and whatever pestilence can’t even get on my nerves

I’m not obsessing over berserk military spending or my leaders tuning out to their private saviors

So, just why should I fret over coral bleaching, polar bears, rare earths, nitrates or fish changing sex?

I’m compartmentalized via the media hypnosis of ignorance used for control and truth thru repetition

Don’t you think I even notice them leaching pesticides, mercury, PCBs or toxic fracked water

Tortured cattle, poisoned pigs and crippled chickens don’t affect my appetite for good cheap meat

To me, their happy psalm of eternal 3% economic growth is more than some pyramid scam ad jingle

I’m detached from other’s lifelong poverty, drugged child soldiers and the juvenile sex slave trade

Not one abused Chinese peasant worker or languishing Darfurie ever makes it onto my personal radar

I don’t neurotically fix on razed rain forests, toxic aquaculture or vast seas of floating plastic litter

Anyways - So What about them dead albatross and dolphin tithed to us as factory fishing bycatch?

I’m good with soaring deficits and slashed programs as more tax cuts for the rich drain down upon me

Why should I really care if tuna disappear and tigers pad only through their own shit in crowded zoos?

Lack of sustainability don’t bother me and I can ignore every orphan’s plight with equal equanimity

Whats to worry if 40% of our kids are born as bastards and way over half cant read even the big print?

Sure, it’s fair and balanced to solve the complex issues facing us via rigged polls of ignorant voters

Since we are all dumbed-down, amoral and angry there’s no reason for it to bother us individually

I prune overwhelmingly complex alternatives by just keeping it locked on their comforting Either/Or

Failing monsoons, melting glaciers, spreading deserts and thawing methane ice – Hey, It’s all good

Frivolous fashion reports, corporate sports updates and phony entertainment news are my compass

My hypertension, high cholesterol and diabetes-causing obesity don’t rile my spiritual composure

No way do I set there and worry about the Wall Street central planners of my fast food lifestyle

The lucrative government industry of death and destruction known as war caint rile me up no more

Our insane divinely-ordained population growth wont shake my focus on that big weekend coming up

See if I lose sleep cause I toil for childish one-trackers who patronize me to their own insecure ends

What, me worry over all those as-yet unnoticed problems I nurture 24x7 but can never hope to solve

Even uncontrollably spinning down into some like black hole of whatever eternal void cant alarm me

So comfortably analgesic to just not bother trying

so simple to quietly close these tired eyes and ignore all the depressing images

so relaxing to let go this stressed-out mind and blankly disengage

so soon to be so far gone once again, for such a long, long time

so easy to be immersed in their empty, non-stop entertainment

so comforting to grasp for that one more good full glass

so long, it seemed, their skulls laid there empty before they too, simply disappeared

so effortless it is, to blankly let the stressed out mind just go slack

so calming to vacantly be immersed in the next big empty spectacle

so misleading must all of this, far too quickly, surely prove to have been

so appealing to give up any form of real concentration

so soothing to blandly ignore the many vexing issues

so easy to just lay still, until you can move no more

so alluring are their colorfully-vapid extravaganzas

so convenient to help forget one's real trajectory

so very, very little do they leave behind

so comfortable is this easy chair

so soporific are their canned experiences

so soon to sleep, so silently forever, without even one single dream

so obvious that there is no choice but to doze beside the big screen

so fetching are the illusions brought to us on credit

so oblivious the silent moldering of their forgotten grave stones

so upsetting are the empty insights given up to us by the dead

so rewarding to sidestep those difficult considerations

so final and unavoidable nonetheless, is that rapidly approaching endgame

so distasteful their ever-worsening, inescapable situations

so reinforcing to ignore another of those disgusting revelations

so ultimately without the slightest meaning in either, or any, way

so disgusting the images of all their wasted suffering

so peaceful to just look blankly past the many difficulties

so patently unrealistic, to even try and think...for yourself

so bothersome these countless buzzing issues

so restful to cast aside all that convoluted logic

so very, very little remains in focus to look back upon

so confusing is that myriad of choices

so safe to plod quietly along within the mindless herd

so pointless does that make life seem, from such an empty retrospect

so overwhelming to consider that all our noisy drama has no meaning

so stress-avoidant to diligently practice a proud, blind ignorance

so very final each and every corner taken

so unrewarding the choice to try and remain aware

so comfortably analgesic to just not bother trying

so rapidly - so unchangeable, but, at least, with no more troubling decisions

Paleocene–Eocene Thermal Maximum Shatters Global Warming Hoax

The Paleocene–Eocene Thermal Maximum – a time period of high CO2 56 million years ago when it was 9°F warmer than today

You and I and they aint never gonna pay for this whatever global damn warming, so just get over that

So, the real question is how can we painlessly unwedge our obese asses from out of this scam?

Well, actually, this shit has happened Before, like 56 million years ago, according to real scientists

Sure, a lot of species got wiped out but, hey, they say evilution sped up and lotsa new stuff appeared

That Arctic ocean was as warm as them filthy waters off New Jersey ever summer, way back then

And they wasn’t a bunch of plastic litter and contaminated needles washing up on the beach, either

Why, way upta Montana there was some kinda jungle, like there’s now down in litter-filled Guatemala

Sea level was like 200’ higher than today, but we already got real estate people to deal with that

It will be well over 100º for months and months on end all across ThE greatest country on the planet

But remember, we got good old, coal-fired A/C at our fingertips, so that aint gonna really bother us

Jungle vegetation, poisonous snakes and biting, disease-ridden insects will move up to the new warm

Yup, it’ll be a great opportunity for life forms and patriotic entrepreneurs to compete and flourish

Damn it’s good to finally have a real solid scientific basis fer bashing crap like that fool Cap-And-Trade

Anyways, it is, and always has been, in God’s hands and of His will, so we need only to seek happiness

Yup, hell with that Paris Agreement, kill the dumb emission requirements and all the green energy shit

Let’s just face up to a changed world without damn coral reefs and whatever polar bears and belugas

We can all migrate on up north, Hell, Canada and Russia are just vast arctic wastelands now anyway

And think of how big that frozen dead rock called Antarctica is: We can go and fight over that, too

After all, Australia will be plain uninhabitable, but happily, so will that whole miserable Middle East!

Soon, Flarida will be far underwater – but nobody will be worrying about escaping the Snow, either 😊

We’re releasin whatever CO2 a hunert times faster than back then but that aint a proven problem

So, the good news is this: It’s God’s Will, It’s happened before and We don’t need to worry about it

We can keep smashing and grabbing our way thru: Socialist planning once again proven unnecessary

It’s wise to believe in climate change now cause real scientists we can believe, say it happened before

No more false choices between family-oriented GDP growth and that whopping global warming hoax

Look, this just demonstrates once again the foolishness of all the squishy crap coming out of that EPA

We got like 4-500 yrs to adapt to the heat and rising seas and all the CO2 will be gone in only 150K yrs

Well, sure, Himalayan glaciers and shit are going to suffer but, after all, it is Survival Of The Fittest

So, I’m embracin CO2 emissions, global warming and climate change as long as it don’t raise my taxes

Just had to wait a while for the right explanation to come up sos we can all get on message together

Yippee, yer gonna see palm trees instead of corn fields in Ioway and Calarada aint gonna get no snow

But it don’t frackin matter cause we aint gonna hafta pay for any wack and useless CO2 containment

This is the stuff of a soundbite answer to those who would risk jobs and money for some vague future

Now we can reframe climate change as a minor inconvenience laced with great economic opportunity

It’s exactly the kind of do-nothing quick-fix we needed to celebrate as a bipartisan victory for us all

So next time they whine about that awful Global Warmin tell em to go study up on that good ol PETM

Our Right-Wing Savior Told Me So

He came to me in my darkest hour and gave me this faith so now I am pledged to spreading His word

God told me to run for office so, of course, I make my decisions with donor’s tutors and quiet prayer

I feel our country’s manifest and divinely-ordained exceptionism deep in my pledged-to-jesus heart

If the thousands of civilian dead during our liberations were so important - He would have told me

We must bring Gods voice into our government and encourage others to throw off religious dictators

Better a born-again one-day-at-a-time believer than some atheistic, jobkilling sustainabilly

After seeing their blasphemy, I just knew I had to shoot them all so I prepared my arsenal in secret

After breaking God’s law, that doctor pridefully thought himself outside His justice, then I took aim

God tutored me on our duty to retain the greatest military this planet has ever known - at any cost

Our repeated command that God Bless America is simply a reminder to His people of our special role

As they strapped on my bomb, they said I died a martyr while taking His revenge upon our enemies

Let no man question my religious belief for, unlike science, it is beyond any discussion or debate

God told me that he had always blessed only our believers in this sinful world full of false idols

Mine is a very personal faith, emerging from sober bible study and long periods of private prayer

And that faith sustained me thru the dark periods when I had to lay off so many longtime workers

It goes without saying that we have ThE moral imperative as granted only to us long ago by our Savior

Despite my 4 marriages, children out of wedlock and substance abuse, I am reborn as a child in Jesus

For it is only god’s will that separates our family from the poverty that is their cross to bear, alone

My unbending faith quells the fear born of naively trying to understand His Mysterious Ways

For only the fullness of time shall reveal the perfection of His plan, in which I am but a small tool

God revealed to me the prideful err of trying to replace His word with decadent scientific babble

Satan has captured their tongues and therefore do we cover our ears to safely abide in His message

Far better the safety and security of our blessed faith than the frightening uncertainty of rationality

My personal savior makes His wishes known to me in private conversations ending in thankful prayer

I need fear no evil for I am certain to spend eternity in that place He has lovingly prepared for me

I know Satan has their tongues as they lie, saying we barter fictional souls for an imaginary paradise

God has amply demonstrated the pointlessness of that meddling EPA but the blind will still not see

God has allowed me to dehumanize His enemies to the point they can be killed with no remorse

His law against all forms of contraception came in a divine revelation accepted as a matter of faith

So it is our duty to remain fruitful despite their sinful spread of that genocidal overpopulation myth

The falsehood that we merely trade addictions between drugs, alcohol, sex and religion is blasphemy

God made his will known to me and no government can enforce its will upon my conscience

We denounce those who ridicule our beliefs as silly, outdated and irrelevant costumed charades

God commands us to support the state of Israel against the filthy encircling Jihadists, at all costs

It was divinely revealed to us that we must bristle with weaponry against the filthy Christian hordes

God told me to take shelter in his revealed truth when threatened by their secular, so-called reason

We Always Need Another War

We absolutely need a war to divert our innate urge to violence away from bosses, friends and family

Conflict is good for our economy what with all the fulltime soldiering work and WMD-manufacturing

We can co-opt our best scientific minds into inventing brilliant new methods of hideous destruction

Humanity’s aggression against all things just happens naturally - Look: It always has and it always will

Each new litter needs to prove itself as men, and just where and why is actually quite immaterial

And never forget that we got The One True God at our backs, goading us on to righteous slaughter

The flame of vengeance, revenge and retaliation is easily maintained across many generations

Just like those felines we so admire, we are genetically programmed to kill it, if it moves

We don’t even have to glorify bloodshed with hymn and anthem, for our violence has a life of its own

It’s a proven scientific fact that there’s just no point wasting money researching ways to control it

Thus, freedom-loving leaders of the world will always sacrifice other’s children for their own vanity

Luckily, mankind has few other real issues and otherwise things are going so very well for us…LOL!

There’s always been at least one treacherous, lying, child-eating out-group for each tribe or nation

Buddy, aint no shame to preemptively-defensive wars of liberation, what with god on our side

We’ll cluck over sad collateral damage as we gape in ignorant wonder at his mysterious ways

Meanwhile great leaders maintain our focus on awful boogeymen so we can ignore our real problems

Damn, we need a war, it’s been at least what, ten years or so and domestic violence is increasing

TV genocides and internecine slaughters way far away caint really satisfy our needs here at home

We require calls to patriotic sacrifice and caskets coming back to small towns in censored honor

Our kids look for that next group of brain-damaged, PTSD-suffering, drugged amputees to salute

Its so deeply satisfying to be trained to better enact the instincts we’ve been bred to for so long

We don’t just want a war, we really need it, just like a man needs a good orgasm every few days

Always looking forward to that mythical Big One, the one that God prophesied shall end them all

Yup, mothers still wail and cry, but even so, they raise up boys who are eager to run off and die

And it’s such rich grist for stirring tributes, great works of literature and violently-uplifting movies

Goddamn, we just need to kill each other off, right along with anything else that lives or grows

It’s the hallmark of our success as the apex of both evolution and god’s will here on this planet

Nonetheless, those directing our sacrifice must spend lots of time convincing us we do not die in vain

What would we do with all this overpriced military hardware anyway: Beat it into plowshares? Right.

Then how would we keep our own young men from slashing our throats and simply taking our riches

So what if when they come back they cant sleep and will never even be able to talk about it?

Plus, we got this cozy arrangement with the phony churches to bless our wars for tax exemptions

I know we need a war when I just want to shoot some mongeyfonga over a mall parking space

We simply have to direct our overpowering, innate blood lust outside our own pack or we will perish

Why struggle with math and science: The killing fields beckon young immortals to bravery and honor

Train them to react with deadly fire and then just tell them to go on home and raise good families

Carne Asustada

 ‘Frightened Meat’

You see it all around these days, from them wasted drive-thrus down to the unemployment bureaus

Mumbling their migrant Spanish shivering in the temp lines on dirty streets in the early morning smog

Wading through the fecal muck in the feedlots where they are jammed together like $XMAS shoppers

You hear it on talk radio and see it down to Wal*Mart, always suffused with this vaguely fearful odor

Hear it sizzling as it is forked and flipped on hot coals by overpaid and cellophaned talking heads

Then a whispered fear runs through the crowd, a pitiful moan that’s picked up all across the herd

They low and stamp their feet, tossing heads and twitching tails, edgy but unable to move at all

Yup, here’s your carne asustada smothered in fear-mongered propaganda with a side of singed hide

Hear it scuttling through the dark voids behind those paper-thin walls in that shoddy apartment

You can see their wide eyes follow it even as the microphone picks up their soothing fantasies

It’s also in that smell of fear that hangs in the air with all the poisoned dust thrown up by the herd

Naturally there are pitches for lots of stuff they claim can make it all seem a whole lot better

It echoes in the trite and postured catchphrases our canned Leaders use to signal a political intent

The kids pick up on it right away at a deep and non-verbal level and it stays with them for life

Steers call out, crowded single-file into filthy chutes, all leading without exits to the killing pit

Oppressed by the darkening uncertainty, they often snap savagely at their accidental brothers

The sound of disturbed creatures scuttling off underfoot in the fetid darkness does not reassure them

Driven harshly towards the noisy, smoke-belching slaughterhouse, a black, faceless terror fills them

Spiked reports of sinister plots directed at their families keep them too alert, for far too long

Promoting a prideful ignorance nurtures the irrelevant anxieties created to hold public reason at bay

Trapped beneath their crumbled house of credit cards they still faintly hear talk show voices above

Terrorist boogeymen haunt implanted thoughts which are remotely adjusted via clever pitchmen

Too tightly packed to look down, they can only guess at the awful liquid their hooves now slosh thru

Spiraled down with lowering living standards, they decay in the clogged sewer lines of poverty

They haven’t the energy to care where fastfood comes from or where their poisoned wastes flow

Standing cheek to butt together, they are driven through dark nights in loud and filthy trailers

They never know who they hate the most: their neighbors, those who control things or themselves

Their empty footfalls resound off littered streets where the grimy pall off their lifestyle never lifts

Surviving on machine-chunked and formed meat byproducts, they strut a programmed libertarianism

Their aged parents languish on open bedsores, over-medicated and ignored by illegale caregivers

Bovine death and dismemberment is minutely analyzed by efficiency experts and cost accountants

Elders are kicked aside for financial bleeding by EndOfLife care and BigFuneral corpro parasites

Even the greatest sales events and lavish sports extravaganzas cannot completely calm them now

Inexorably prodded closer to the sound of their co-workers packing up as they are offshored forever

Awakening me at 3AM, sweating from a bad dream, slowly twisting back to the real nightmare

Carne asustada still sensing that something must be wrong, even given all the pills and propaganda

Smirkingly-Dismissive Of The Flakey-Fakes

“We're here to defeat them. We're here to politically defeat them and see to it their agenda does not succeed.” R. Limbaugh

They perch on a high bluff of false righteousness shaking their heads at the Just-don’t-get-it-agains

Suckling the lower class on a sugary pabulum of ignorant pride and canned Traditional family values©

Even more vain than good-looking, expensively-costumed, cosmetized with every hair just so in place

Imperiously solving complex issues with a dismissive wave, dubious common sense and rigged polls

Smirking with a brief headshake as out-of-context clips reveal their opponent’s folly - Once again!

Able to convince their childlike audience the CorPros really have worker and family interests at heart

Amazingly glib and fast-talking and armed with microphone silencers to talk right over their ‘guests’

Backed by for-profit thinktank statistics that would be fuzzy maths if created by their pukish enemies

Smugly confident behind impervious-to-questioning beliefs like: This is ThE greatest country on earth

Scathingly contemptuous of the EPA for its expensive interference in patriotic market competition

Drilling common folk on evil unions, the follies of globalization and slashing socialist entitlements

Paid to be divisive, fuel anger and spawn hatred, they deliberately help us to ignore the real issues…

They are enraged by their own misrepresentation of intrusive smog rulings and healthcare takeovers

Leveling a pre-written sarcastic humor at wimp environmentalists and their tiny, useless desert fishes

Heaping scorn upon the cowardly cut-and-runners while fanning phony fears of unlawful combatants

Paid the big bucks to stir up hatred, encourage violence and nurture addiction to flavored soundbites

Searingly rejecting job-killing tax increases on the rich in a way that the working man finds sensible

So, so professional in beautifully-useless suits with bright ties selected by swishy costume designers

Mouthpieces of closet corporate leaders, paid to spin the ignorant masses by preaching glossy vitriol

Chuckling safely behind flag and family, paid to espouse a traditional morality they flout in secret

Raising the volume and firing simultaneous catchphrase volleys: this is their fair and balanced debate

Rudely cutting short any who try with elitist over-complication to contradict their sponsored epistles

Dramatically disdainful of the regulators, tree-huggers, health-foodies, recyclistas and sustainabillies

Sewn from the same fabric as the old TV evangelists but even slicker and backed by silent big money

Skillful at heaping their latest paid messages on top of what they portray as widely accepted reality

Dismissing pitifully foolish opposition guests with a conspiratorial smirk to a bobbleheaded audience

Spending days harping on non-issues sponsors deem to resonate within the empty heads of viewers

Offhandedly tossing around un-fact-checked barbs laced with sarcastic humor and a caustic disbelief

Expert at appearing to bravely stand up alone against what they call a vast and evil media conspiracy

Effectively providing the ignorant, aged and scared with simple, credible and consistent explanations

Profiting handsomely on ghost-written books they don’t even bother to read, but enjoy autographing

Convincingly steering us away from that old and socialist, weak and failing European model

Sponsors pay them well to deliver pre-baked applause lines through their artificially-whitened sneers

They present their enemies initiatives as worn-out jokes which those silly fools just can’t stop telling

Paid to fatuously reduce all complex issues to sponsored catchphrases with simple yes-or-no answers

But, Ha-ha, they’re unceremoniously cast aside when their immorality or greed trips them up at last

This Aint No Recession

It aint no double-dip, it’s a multi-dip: And each dip lowers your living standard

Recessions end and stuff rebounds but now we lead a group known as the Undeveloping Countries

The MultiNationals behind globalization are herding everyone to a uniform level of barest subsistence

The Pakis and such are real good with it, but if you’ve ever known any better, you aint gonna like it

You’ll keep paying more and earning less with fewer benefits until we’re all globally competitive

This aint no recession: This here is a permanent fall from the artificial economic grace we once knew

And all the politicians demanding God Bless America after every speech aint gonna change it one bit

It wont be so bad, your kids have already adjusted their expectations by becoming mumbling slackers

We can probably start a patronage system for plum government jobs - like they used to have in India

But be careful of going in debt for overpriced education with the real prospect of never finding a job

Drop the cherished myth that your kids futures are always brighter than your own…It just aint so Bud!

Get ready to take on a real tax burden and simply forget about then promised entitlement programs

Just save some memories of the good old days for your grandkids – They’ll know you’ve finally lost it

We’ll read of a ponzi 3% GDP growth, but it’ll be swallowed by deliberately underestimated inflation

Get used to failing bridges, unstable power grids and a degrading environment – It’s all we can afford

But, wait: Gutlessly sociopathic, closet corporate leaders will get even richer, successful or not

For this aint even a depression, it’s just the New Normal: Work more, get less, pay more, die younger

Forget about cruise vacations, new cars, faux mansions and such treats – That’s so like 20^th Century

Deal with it – You’re downsized permanently, you got no savings and your Medicare is going away

This aint no recession but rather living the new reality of being undeveloping former firstworlders

Them greedy foreigners aint gonna finance your home equity loans and credit cards no-mo, no suh

Arent no jumpstarts, quick fixes or kickstarts gonna get you a job or stop the middle class shrinking

You can safely default on all your loans and cards cause you aint gonna get no more credit anyway

You’ll laugh at the crap about finance, realestate and consumers being the engines of our prosperity

Look, we won’t tax-and-spend or budget-slash and de-regulate our way from under this just decay

Oh, and dont get any attitude or you’ll be quickly culled from the hundreds of applicants per bad job

But dont worry, they wont stop subsidizing creating of your diabetes, hypertension and heart disease

And theyll keep making the jobs worse so you wont take them, but their disposable illegales still will

This aint no business cycle, the good jobs aint comin back and thats Alabama not Whateverstan on TV

But you can still pledge your fictional soul as collateral in their imaginary-paradise-for-nothing scam

The population’s too large and cheap resources are too depleted to power more extractive prosperity

This decaying and antiquated infrastructure is still good enough for any rapidly undeveloping country

The elite will keep flying overhead, driving by with their windows up and living under tighter security

They'll keep media puppets pumping crap about how freeing markets could solve all of your problems

And, oh darn, they cant hire you now cause you been out of work too long, not cause you’re too old…

This aint no downturn, this is a nosedive: into the infectious dirt of an ignorant and 3^rd world future

Its OK, your kids will accept the benefitless, peasant wages of a globalized world in economic flatline

Straight Talking Spin Doctors

That leftist sustainability scam is just more of their worn-out take from the rich and give to the poor

This leveling of the market playing field will encourage competition and lower consumer prices

We will never confuse such evil murderers and terrorist thugs with these honorable freedom fighters

Our CEO is transitioning out to pursue other opportunities and to spend more time with his family

Counsel has advised us that department policy prohibits my commenting on ongoing investigations

We must preserve the sanctity of marriage and provide prayer, not sex education, in our schools

Its not the puppeteering of oil-rich countries - Its the right thing to do in the global war on terrorism

Trying once again to further its vast hidden agenda, the biased liberal media has twisted our remarks

To preserve our heritage, we must strive to replace these activist judges with strict constructionists

Compassionate conservatism is sacred-duty-bound to emphatically reject this global land mine treaty

Yellow terrorist-coddlers who do not support our troops: You’re either with us or we’re against you

Wouldn’t you feel nobler bravely staying the course, not cutting and running like say French cowards?

Ours is a society based upon the rule of law - but we can quietly deny funding to selected statutes

Being at war requires exceptionally wide, covert government activities to obtain private information

Failure to pass this bill will put our brave troops at risk and bring great guilt and shame upon us all

Government intervention is always to be avoided – But, these banks are simply too big to fail

Market competition will ensure that ours remains ThE Finest Health Care System ever on ThE planet

Expensive and unnecessary regulations based upon dishonest junk science are simply evil job-killers

Local Control enables MultiNats controlling the resources to make our optimum economic decisions

No outside intervention will be tolerated during our preemptively-defensive invasion of liberation

These eco-loco fringe schemes are foolish, unnecessary and costly in terms of jobs and money

I say to my Soft-On-Defense opponent: This noble Crusade is not some Vietnam-style quagmire

We must stop these evil killers over there or soon we will be fighting them right here at home

Our Coalition of the Willing proved ready to step up and do the right thing to defend freedom

Actually, the existence, causes and any real effects of climate change are still an unproven theory

It is well-understood that death by friendly fire does occur and, though sad, is inevitable

But, our regrettable collateral damage must not be conflated with their slaughter of innocents

Jesus protects me from guilt, shame and squishy flip-flopping on any decision we make together

We must repeal this Death Tax that liberal nannys waste on funding unconstitutional social programs

Look, we are calling for a simple troop redeployment and that is, in no way, some cowardly retreat

We support market-driven energy independence via generous ethanol, oil and coal industry subsidies

We can all point to our recent legislation increasing debt without raising taxes as a bipartisan victory

I obtained my post-congress lobbying position due to my expertise...not for my legislative favors

High gas prices are devastating working families and require that we deregulate and grant tax breaks

We are unable to compete globally being hobbled by those ponzi pension obligations we promised

We will never permit their brave sacrifice in our <egotistic, immoral and illegal> wars to be in vain

Dispatches From The Dead Zones

So there’s this like dead zone in the Gulf where the mighty Missisip unloads its dark and toxic burden

Its as big as damn Massachusetts and rains down the thick black poison sludge of our modern lifestyle

There’s a dead zone too, inside my head and that’s where I store all the stuff I used to care about

Oh, and there’s also this walled off dead space in our beliefs that we never have to go to anymore

It’s a spreading necrosis of the spirit where now only tough, talk-show propaganda can survive

Robbed of vital nutrients, our ideals now slowly waste away on dried and crusty, literalist scripture

We came upon a hidden void where our dreams had died, trapped like tiny earthquake victims

There, inside the Hot Zone, where only those in protective suits are allowed, lay my memories

There’s this vast, slowly spinning gyre way out there in the Pacific where our plastic trash is floating

It’s like when that diabetic sore on Uncle’s toe didn’t ever heal and so they cut it off at the knee

Still, we keep a dusty, dead shrine to Gramaw since we abandoned her to costly pre-funeral care

The suffering of the poor just bounces off a part of my brain that is no longer able to respond

Too bad all the fish are poisoned and allathe frogs deformed - but that stuff font hurt people, right?

It’s a dead zone, walled off by reactionary anger and insulated with expensive soundbite material

I sequester all that poisonous liberal gas in a tiny, unused area where it cant do me any harm at all

Overexposure to slick ads blighted me like 1 more invasive species we had thoughtlessly introduced

The trout are dying but the carp are thriving and the bullies are allowed to beat up on the nerds

Got red tides blooming from over-fertilizing and it’s killing everything but those stinging jellyfish

There’s a broad area beneath my spreading gut that disappeared from my view way long ago

They found a black and dead spot on my lung that could be related to the smog or the cigarettes

You see that dead zone in the eyes of them stone cold TV killers as well as in our precious children

We hold up in a fortified Family Values Sector, abandoning our Yankee Ingenuity to the outsourcers

To preserve our implanted beliefs we practice a mental scorched earth policy in our retreat to faith

It aint no dead quiet that has replaced those profitless songbirds extinguished by Big Agriculture

Can’t even see lifeless black creeks and toxic tailings from inside coal-fired, air-conditioned comfort

It’s not really a dead zone: For rats, weeds, roaches and wickedly infectious microbes thrive in there

Got no nurturing feelings left after we saved them welfare kids with our abortion clinic gunfire

I’m safely numbed to this world of suffering by the stupefying jingles that have lodged in my brain

I can smile and be nice even as I ignore the vain agony that surrounds me, at point blank range

There’s this blind spot in my awareness that I stare straight at when I cannot bear to see anymore

I’m deaf to that fearful silence, thanks to all my mindless but resource-consuming noisemakers

Fortunately, thru incessant repetition, their big lies atrophy my reason and thus reduce my stress

There’s this dead zone around corporate zombies feasting on cash and shallow but expensive perqs

Their jingles ring flatly through our soon to be laid-off heads as we numbly text our abbreviated woes

And we too, crowd their product releases raising our credit cards with our empty eyes staring blankly

Then we shuffle back home to mindless relaxation until pangs from the DeadZone make us feed again

Once We Cared: Outgrew That

Long ago, why, way back when last century, we felt for the burning rivers and them poisoned lakes

Now we’re far too far online for that kind of squishy, job-killing, non-profit, lo-def kind of spam

Wow, so groups actually demonstrated for clean air without using like any digital organization?

Once, 3 or 4 billion people ago, we even thought that over-population posed The major threat

Laws once passed with agencies created have now been long un-enforced and, indeed, de-funded

No time now to protest Big Chicken wastes or Big Coal mountaintop removal…or Big Anything Else

Look at these old videos of them longhairs whining about like dying trees and disappearing species

Our weak economy and high costs to families in jobs and money are our proper interests now

It was so long ago, and we were callow, idealistic youth but look - even we grew out of it

From the advanced perspective of our always-on eLives, its easy to see beyond our misguided ideals

Imagine: we once even hoped to integrate human society into systems that balance the natural world

Thankfully, we were finally able to decide what really is important and what cannot be changed

Once we cared about acid rain, deforestation, sprawl, smog, peace, love, cooking and meditation

But we got off the weed, part-timed our MBAs, found jesus and focused in on family consumerism

We view today’s endocrine disruptors and PCB mutations as simply indicators of our blessed progress

Now we proudly poll high on environmentalism but quietly we’re good with our leaders doing nothing

Anyway, factory pollution is way, way down since CEOs bonused-out shifting all production to China

But we still need more deregulation for the energy independence to commute alone in giant pickups

Not to worry, cities are going ‘back to nature’ now - bulldozing thousands of abandoned crack houses

Then we were stoned, sitting cross-legged knitting sweaters, canning foods and wearing green θ tees

That was long before we learned to leverage no down payment liar loans into negative savings rates

You see, times were simpler then, before this global warming scam threatened our family lifestyle

I digitized all of my old pictures, but they aren’t really Hi-def and everyone looks way too skinny

Hear the old songs playing in the 6 snack food aisles now while I stuff my cart with puffy cellophane

Why, once we even thought that our careers needed to be fulfilling and contribute to a better world

But, we’ve adjusted to being soon-to-be-forever-offshored wage slaves via our mindless consumption

Now we can make fun of birdwatchers, hikers, bikers and anybody else who’s not gas-powered

At last we matured into proudly-ignorant libertarians and assumed our ordained exceptionist mantle

Used to doubt the wisdom of unregulated oligarchies but now we totally get this Self-Responsibility

Learned that subsidized Big Agriculture competition ensures us a healthy and sustainable food supply

Imagine, we once thought simple prevention could actually solve many health and crime problems

There was a time, long before we left them to the pre-funeralists, that we rejected our elders’ ways

Once we were even concerned over like spotted owls and salmon runs, urban sprawl and toxic trash

Times must have been so much simpler then, before we started driving these giant 8 passenger SUVs

Praise the lord and adjust the thermostat, send a text and click on that latest deep truth tweet

Thanks to our modern wisdom, now we see how idealistic fantasies always decay into failed socialism

Conservative Focus On What Really Matters

We hold the gravity of these ignorant and selfish concerns to be self-evident

Gas must remain artificially-cheap that we may commute like overstuffed sausages in giant roadhogs

Never shall taxes be increased to pay for costly, tried-and-failed, bleeding-heart social programs

Nitwit foolishness such as this pukish recycling nonsense usurps our hallowed individual freedom

And abortion shall remain foremost among the violations of our savior’s will which must be rectified

The omnipotent blind hand of the free market shall be our blunt tool in repairing all societal issues

Gun control must come to mean simply that wives and children hold steady aim at intended targets

Without reflection, we remain unflinchingly positive that This is ThE greatest country on the planet

Fool intrusions into private enterprise like mercury limits on power plants simply cannot be tolerated

We shall strive to bring God into our government while keeping its regulators out of our businesses

Our borders have to be secure but we must hire workers for those jobs real Americans just won’t do

High taxes and intrusive rules kill the patriotic initiative of our bold, job-creating entrepreneurs

Our children shall lead the world despite their pathetic global status in reading, math and science

Bringing prayer to school ranks right up near the top of any list of the most important issues we face

Government-run bureaucrat-controlled Death Panels must never control our choice of a family doctor

Global Warming is just an unproven, junk science theory - Undeserving of any government concern

Our leaders must make the important decisions in private conversations with their personal saviors

Always remember that the bible plainly states: Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman

It goes without saying that we must outgun them all combined or be overrun by the godless heathen

We always have time to eat and drink while watching Football, for it truly reinforces our core values

Black-or-White, Right-or-Wrong, Heaven-or-Hell: That’s how we counter this elitist overcomplication

It is our god-given right to as many children as we see fit without training or income to support them

Texans epitomize the laissez-faire, ignorance-braced lifestyle that we should all be striving to attain

Government does best out of the way sos to let SmashAndGrab MultiNats rule from corporate closets

We must soldier on until that over-reaching, job-killing EPA is abolished and all its rules rolled back

Resolved: Our right to idle alone thru long drive-thru lines in 9 passenger SUVS shall not be abridged

Inexpensive meat, however produced, is going to remain front and center at all our family dinners

We must hold the line against overreaching so-called investments in whatever socialist infrastructure

Rich conservatives are obviously the ones who have the best interests of working people at heart :}

Scientific debates with donor implications can best be decided via slanted twitter opinion polls

Anonymized, sociopathic corporate clones in expensive suits are ideal for closet national stewardship

Obesity, high blood pressure and diabetes are matters of personal responsibility, not public health

We must promulgate our morality globally thanks to our god’s assigning us this Exceptionist role

It makes economic sense to live for free in homes with underwater loans sunk by drawing out equity

Everyone agreed social security was nearly solvent so naturally its payroll tax funding was cut

Permanently passing all cost increases onto patients will obviously fix our broken healthcare system

Loyal OutSourcers are striving to bring back middle class jobs for our deserving, talented workforce