Our Ordained Exceptionist Burden

      Indeed, We are a special people, with a mandate from heaven to lead from our shining city on the hill.

For so it is written: God chose us over the heathen and we don’t even hafta try and understand why

Global treaties and agreements don’t bind us, but we’ll harshly enforce them upon our evil enemies

We provide ThE moral compass to all His creation, read by the guiding light from our revealed truth

Our blessed children lead the world in ignorant pride – But, not in reading, science, math or morals

Trained in contempt for histry, we do totally trust in our newly-minted Traditional Family Values™

And of course, Ours Is thE finest healthcare system in the En-tire world, despite all yer ‘satistics’

Absolutely, We have the right to live large off credit debt provided by whatever asian peasants

Gridlock, tempered by a total lack of political will, exemplifies our noble checks and balances system

We do not torture but, Look - Enhanced interrogation techniques did save thousands of our citizens

We justly pump billions to our bankers even as we demand foreign countries free up their currencies

Our Preemptively-Defensive Wars Of Liberation bear no relation to their Evil Terrorist Aggression

We may exploit our tiny remaining old growth as we wisely counsel others to total eco-preservation

We still proudly tout equality though our rich get richer, the poor poorer and the middle class shrinks

Only we can loose the vainglorious God Bless America edict following each and every political speech

We shall never confuse our divinely-granted Exceptionism with but mere circumstance or dumb luck

Subsidizing industrial agriculture exports is proper for us but quite immoral for the rest of the world

We don’t need costly new roads, bridges, dams, power grids and water works like them feriners do

We can warn of their increased military outlays even as we outspend them all combined: Every Year!

We shall never be bound by any international treaty which might threaten our precious sovereignty

We can smirkingly diss junk climate research citing our rigged opinion polls of the clueless population

We scorn Islamic republics though we too make our political decisions privately with personal saviors

Our divinely granted role is to prevent them obtaining WMDs, even as we modernize our huge stocks

Our god is love and he does direct us to remain the world’s greatest weapons producer and exporter

He blesses our government support of brutal dictatorships so long as they sell our donors trade favors

Follow our lead into obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol, heart disease and stroke

Of course, you may enjoy your freedom of religion, but you’re not free from our religious intolerance

Just be happy to pay criminals to smuggle you here so you can be mistreated and exploited by fools

Naturally, you should happily swallow our media although we can’t find your Whateverstan on a map

Everyone: Give up your land mines and chemical arms but, naturally we’ll keep ours close at hand

God guides our unmanned drones into their dusty hovels but satan flew as a terrorist co-pilot on 9/11

Keep your foreign noses out of our business, but you obey this UN resolution or we’ll begin air strikes

You cannot try our citizens in your World Court but we’ll help them catch and punish our enemies

Our beacon of hope to the world is so much more than a neon reflection of our smarmy propaganda

Only we have the divine right to lecture others on human rights, ecology and fiscal responsibility

Frack all yer so-called objective measures, This here is still ThE greatest country on gods green earth

For we alone wear the exceptionist leadership mantel granted to the family of man by our redeemer

Theys Nethin Either Side Can Do, Right?

I’m pretty sure there’s nothing I can do

You caint even slow global warming and they caint get them idolaters to accept lord jesus as savior

Dont even bother tryin to save the whales, tuna, seals, dolphins, elephants, tigers – Or the unborn

Theyre gonna get abortions, use birth control and spit up bastard kids despite yer faith-based efforts

Ha-Ha, you aint gonna shrink dEfense but social security and medycare will fer sure get gutted

Look, hardly anybody’s ever gonna drive them cramped, uncomfortable, unsafe, teeny eco-cars

You might as well try and outlaw flagwaving as get them to make a little bit less unnecessary noise

Gahead - Recycle, cut back on driving, and whatever 100 ways to save the planet – It’s so pointless.

Sorry, this aint ‘ThE Greatest Country On The Planet’ no matter how often or how loud you chant it

They wont stop preferring wasted corpro-sports and phony entertainment news to in-depth reports

Squishes will keep advancing junk-science and job-killing regelations despite your smirking dismissals

NeoCons will control the dumbed-down lower class with their fake folksy twang in spite of yer op-eds

There’s nothing you can do to stop liberals always demotivating the rich just to waste it on the poor

You cant change the fact that football really is one of ThE most important parts of their wasted lives

You wont figure out why they think raw vegetables and tofu beat doublemeat bacon cheese burgers

It’s worthless trying to understand how their free market will provide healthcare for single mothers

Don’t think yer gonna stop them whinin about unimportant shit like air pollution and mining runoff

In the end, all yer flag-wavin and bible-thumpin aint jack against a vast liberal fakenews conspiracy

They aint gonna start thinking for themselves what with that huge buffet of free FastFox soundbites

Them godless NewAgers wont ever accept the absolute truth of our new Traditional Family Values™

The SmashAndGrab capitalists will always snickeringly-dismiss your chickenshit sustainabilly efforts

Hey, hey, hey that damn EPA is here to stay, and I mean expensively, dude, right in your fatass way

Furtive corporate leaders aint ever gonna base decisions on anything but blind and sociopathic greed

They just wont give up that unconstitutional campaign to abolish your right to bear assault weapons

The 3^rd-worlders are gonna cut down their forests just like we did – No matter your cutesy calendars

Look: Homos are gonna get married and yer gonna pay fer them to breed and teach yer kids sex-ed

You’re nuts to think we’re ever gonna stop outspending the rest of the world combined, on dEfense

But, you’ll keep wastin time trying to spread your crackpot personal savior crap to the Recyclistas

The obese, diabetic heart-diseased libertarians will shoot your jogging, vegan asses from wheelchairs

They’re gonna stay right up in yer faces with lame shit about how even farm animals have like rights

Purchased politicians will always make the big decisions in private talks with their personal saviors

Sovereignty-stealing One-Worlders wont ever see the inevitable wisdom of total corpro-globalization

Despite yer NYTimes they’ll respond to a hearty God Bless America with a refrain of Drill, Baby Drill!

You aint gonna get Them to recycle until you pay them for it and shut up about fracking and shit

They’ll never see they’re being conned by RightWing puppets and you’ll blindly stand up for NPR

You wont be getting down out of your pickups and they’ll keep trying to like commute on bicycles

Yer faith-based personal savior leadership is going about as far as their wack meditating rationality

Gas Is Still Too Cheap

They keep gunning them fatass pickups like overstuffed race cars so, yup, gas must still be too cheap

Know that’s true when I see them all idling in the ATM drivethrus sippin lattes with the A/C on high

Since prices keep going up, we must still be getting a real bargain on the World’s Finest Healthcare

Proud and ignorant patriots keep getting fatter so it looks like factory food also costs a bit too little

God-fearing folks are still threatened by gun-controlling socialists so we must not waiver in our faith

They continue flicking them fricking dirty butts all over which says to me smoking should cost more

Millions of gallons of too-cheap water still wastefully rinse BigAg poisons into our drinking supply

Sometimes almost hear their elitist propaganda so we need to turn up freedom’s channel a bit more

Not everyone knows all the jingles by heart yet so we need to try and increase our media penetration

The Okies keep making lots of new ATV trails in their Colorado forests, so, eyeh, gas is still too cheap

Since we throw away ½ a million bags per minute, it’s obvious that they should cost just a little…

Kids are texting so at least some form of literacy remains to their surely-brighter-than-ours tomorrow

There’s still lots of room in Texas so we’re morally obliged to keep on being fruitful gospel spreaders

Not everything is duplicated in Spanish yet and you know, that really is bringing us all closer together

Rightwingers continue tossing aluminum, glass and plastic away as a real Traditional Family Valueä

Fastbuck developers still find it cheaper to rip up farmland than to rebuild their decayed cheap shit

Miners and drillers remain more concerned with costly regulations than about their poisoned messes

They still think teeny cars rob them of their manhood so they drive giant SUVs to jobs in tiny cubicles

Not everyone is dumbed-down enough yet to uncritically parrot each and every fake news headline

Only half of our graduates caint read so there’s still not enough kids being shoved up from behind

Opinion polls prove that climate change remains just the costly hoax of a few crackpot pergressives

We let our vampire electro-gizzies suck energy 24x7 so there’s room for increases in electrical rates

Us fat, proudly-ignorant, couldnt-have-beens still mount our blessed loud Harleys, so there, by god!

Keep seeing lots of drunken jetski mayhem so the water’s still too clean and gas remains too cheap

40% of babies are bastards so we must more forcefully deny these sinners the evils of birth control

They still wont drive over 5 hours and stand in line longer than all night for a little free dental care

Some of the debt-ridden outsourced have not cowboyed-up to their Self-Responsibility Kool-Aid, yet

So far, not all of us are dumbed-down quite enough to swallow all their lame pre-digested soundbites

There’s still a few of the underclass that don’t believe that tax cuts for the rich trickle down to them

Some idolaters remain convinced that the government should keep subsidizing single-parent litters

Not everyone has totally rejected reason for unshakeable faith yet, so good work still remains for us

TV must be way too cheap cause they keep paying $100 a month to just keep it locked right on Fox

Since we can still afford the million$ per year-per soldier overseas, we can keep exporting freedom

Gotta keep on subsidizing corn syrup cause there’s citizens without any diabetes for us to pay for yet

Bound to keep our guard up what with new job-killing regulations being floated each and every day

They still assure us their people are most precious and we keep trusting they’ll create good new jobs

The Good Work Conservatives Are Doing For Us All

Obviously, the cost of even trying to mitigate this climate change hoax was utterly preposterous

Keeping oil prices low cuz they threaten the forever-fragile recovery of the worlds Greatest Economy

These damn union teachers are totally responsible for our children’s ignorance and they got to go

We have taken those so-called infrastructure investments off the table for the foreseeable future

Look, we all demand big budget cuts - including social security, medicare & welfare, but not defense

Got any tax increases off the table in secret right up front so now we’re ready for real negotiation

We demand the absolute cheapest meat possible and faceless robo-conglomerates supply just that

Got our eternal salvation on a weekly payment plan down to the mega-church, so that’s all set

Yes, we clearly understand our divine imperative to maintain perpetual arms spending increases

Everybody now, 1-2-3: Jobs, Jobs, Jobs! No New Taxes! Drill, Baby Drill! Got it? Good. That is all…

We simply refuse to believe we pay much more to get less from ThE Worlds finest healthcare system

We been freed from the sticky net of elitist propaganda thanks to our slick talking-head demagogues

Got all the warning signs up about swimming or eating fish, so the clean water thing is off the table

Anyway, we only drink New Jersey spring water and toss the plastic bottles, so what’s the problem?

Defaulted on the credit cards and wisely walked away from the home loans so that’s behind us now

Haven’t forgotten the fact that loud pickups and obese SUVs are revered Traditional Family Values™

We reflexively reject attempts to regulate our rights to such necessities as automatic weapons

We’ll outlaw birth control but condemn the tiny bastards to hell since their mothers were whores

Our freedom recipe is a preemptively-defensive war of liberation, a rigged election and McDonalds

Finally crushing their family-threatening endangered species and habitat preservation nannying

Bringing Christ into government and getting evilution and sex-ed the hell out of our schools, Yesiree

Yup, we’re through lettin them tell us not to eat fastfood and go do like boring exercise and stuff

Anyhow, we can see we got enough clean coal right here for a thousand years of our energy needs

With God’s help, we’ve completely tuned out the moral relativists as well as the heathen foreigners

Really aint no contest at all between family jobs and unnecessary costs versus animals, air and trees

It’s really hard not to laugh when they whine about the suffering of like cows, pigs and chickens!

We’re done with their unpaid infringement on our liberty of picking thru filthy trash called recycling

Hey, Hey, Hey! - the damn EPA is goin away, right on along with that wack Endangered Species Act

Well, I got no savings, know I need to work til 80 but cant find a job at 50: Yup, got that goin now

The outsourcers have promised us tomorrow’s good new jobs so we’re on unemployment til then

The real message is that we should be angry, and so we are: All the time - at their sponsors enemies

As for the real tough decisions - I make them guilt-free in private dialogues with my personal savior

Given: We absolutely must keep enhancing our position as thE greatest military force on thE planet

It’s obvious that free enterprise moves blindly to assure good healthcare for pretty much everyone

Gonna get them jobkillers in Washington off our western lands despite their rigged opinion polls

We only hafta keep repeating ‘God Bless America’, the greatest country on earth, to keep it goin