Conservative Focus On What Really Matters

We hold the gravity of these ignorant and selfish concerns to be self-evident

Gas must remain artificially-cheap that we may commute like overstuffed sausages in giant roadhogs

Never shall taxes be increased to pay for costly, tried-and-failed, bleeding-heart social programs

Nitwit foolishness such as this pukish recycling nonsense usurps our hallowed individual freedom

And abortion shall remain foremost among the violations of our savior’s will which must be rectified

The omnipotent blind hand of the free market shall be our blunt tool in repairing all societal issues

Gun control must come to mean simply that wives and children hold steady aim at intended targets

Without reflection, we remain unflinchingly positive that This is ThE greatest country on the planet

Fool intrusions into private enterprise like mercury limits on power plants simply cannot be tolerated

We shall strive to bring God into our government while keeping its regulators out of our businesses

Our borders have to be secure but we must hire workers for those jobs real Americans just won’t do

High taxes and intrusive rules kill the patriotic initiative of our bold, job-creating entrepreneurs

Our children shall lead the world despite their pathetic global status in reading, math and science

Bringing prayer to school ranks right up near the top of any list of the most important issues we face

Government-run bureaucrat-controlled Death Panels must never control our choice of a family doctor

Global Warming is just an unproven, junk science theory - Undeserving of any government concern

Our leaders must make the important decisions in private conversations with their personal saviors

Always remember that the bible plainly states: Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman

It goes without saying that we must outgun them all combined or be overrun by the godless heathen

We always have time to eat and drink while watching Football, for it truly reinforces our core values

Black-or-White, Right-or-Wrong, Heaven-or-Hell: That’s how we counter this elitist overcomplication

It is our god-given right to as many children as we see fit without training or income to support them

Texans epitomize the laissez-faire, ignorance-braced lifestyle that we should all be striving to attain

Government does best out of the way sos to let SmashAndGrab MultiNats rule from corporate closets

We must soldier on until that over-reaching, job-killing EPA is abolished and all its rules rolled back

Resolved: Our right to idle alone thru long drive-thru lines in 9 passenger SUVS shall not be abridged

Inexpensive meat, however produced, is going to remain front and center at all our family dinners

We must hold the line against overreaching so-called investments in whatever socialist infrastructure

Rich conservatives are obviously the ones who have the best interests of working people at heart :}

Scientific debates with donor implications can best be decided via slanted twitter opinion polls

Anonymized, sociopathic corporate clones in expensive suits are ideal for closet national stewardship

Obesity, high blood pressure and diabetes are matters of personal responsibility, not public health

We must promulgate our morality globally thanks to our god’s assigning us this Exceptionist role

It makes economic sense to live for free in homes with underwater loans sunk by drawing out equity

Everyone agreed social security was nearly solvent so naturally its payroll tax funding was cut

Permanently passing all cost increases onto patients will obviously fix our broken healthcare system

Loyal OutSourcers are striving to bring back middle class jobs for our deserving, talented workforce

Relaxing With The Rich and Famous

Recognize media stars at a tabloid glance and be drawn to their empty buzz like some mindless moth

Chat endlessly about their spoiled ex-wives, movie roles, diets and cosmetic surgeries - as you decay

Keep taking for granted the guys that show up for nothing in the middle of the night - at auto wrecks

Dont bother to notice as your tons of chemically-tainted, disease-ridden garbage is safely removed

Accept that anemically-brave closet CEOS deserve Mega$ even though accountants cant measure why

Unthinkingly assume plastic surgeons contribute more to society than lowly wastewater engineers

Squander your limited attention on illiterate and amoral entertainers spouting misogyny and violence

Ignore those who thought they went to defend your freedom, now lost to drugs, alcohol and abuse

Pay so much attention to steroided sports heroes that they actually believe in their false grandeur

Never give a thought to those who keep the electricity, natural gas and water at your lame fingertips

Trust that a 19-stall garage filled with sports cars is undeniably one apex of man’s achievement

Forget about losers who just show up every day, doing the right thing, just to keep our wheels on

For it’s obvious that luxury yachts and multiple, empty 2^nd homes really are among our ultimate goals

Sponsoring NASCAR, a derby pony or a racing boat remain among the very highest of human pursuits

Hey, don’t let your babies grow up to be social workers, teachers or community health advocates

Fatuously covet the faux-renaissance WalMart size mansions with which they express their true selves

Just keep wasting your precious time on their latest clothes, new hairstyles and plunging necklines

Covet their endless cosmetic procedures, personal trainers and 24 hr security as true fulfillment

Spend hours ogling the exhibitionist outfits at their vapid, staged, narcissistic Hollywood events

Kick back in ignorant obesity on that dirty couch and gossip about them - On a first name basis

Remain blind to those who arrive so quickly to care for the disgustingly sick and the horribly injured

Keep on thinking cooks, gardeners, maids and chauffeurs bring true meaning to human existence

Remain quite sure that expensive jewelry is high on your list of this life’s greatest enrichments

Admire their simple habits, waited on hand and foot and cocooned from all distressing realities

Absolutely believe they gain great wisdom within the total isolation of their utter self-absorption

Closely follow their psychopathic behavior and actually worship it as the zenith of man’s attainment

Believe that the CEO’s blindingly sociopathic greed is really a healthy and patriotic entrepreneurship

Pity their brave and lonely struggle to avoid, yet encourage the constant pressure of prying cameras

Hang on their every word and endlessly spout their canned media pronouncements to each other

Really feel their pain for having to substitute drugs, food and alcohol for any real life experiences

Grant their neurotic existence meaning with a rapt attention that merely drains your own short time

Trust that spotless private jets and securely-gated compounds further their capitalist enlightenment

Remain fully convinced that being waited on hand and foot lifts the human spirit to its highest level

And don’t forget that Lotto ticket when you pick up your next 44 oz BigGulp and giant bag of Doritos

Dream that you too enjoy their lifestyle as you drown in pathetic negative savings rate consumerism

Wisely know money aint everything - cause they said so – even as you watch them spending yours

Set Our Rulers Free Of Our Servitude

Said the price of freedom had to be eternal vigilance and war is an immutable part of our genetics

Said there is no other choice but blood sacrifice and no alternative but to go off and fight: For them

Said we got to be ever ready or our enemies will be upon us: Attacking, slaughtering and enslaving us

Said the bad guys are always on the verge of reigning over us in an unholy and totalitarian terror

Well now, who would the losers really be, in the long run, if all their projected fears came true?

Let’s say we don’t fight, but just peacefully resist until they kill us all. OK, where will they be then?

Who would do the good work keeping the world running safe and warm, supporting their delusions?

Who’d farm the scorched earth for nothing and rebuild their bombed arms factories for a pittance?

We could leave them alone and let them see how far they get and how long they would really last

Let their greed, violence and anger be the sole driver in developing our precious humanity

Leave them alone at each other’s lying throats, without us to convince, manipulate and sacrifice

Let their violent genes and selfish traits monopolize so only their gifted spawn enjoy what happens

What is our real loss after being slaves to the selfishly-vacuous fantasies of mouthy control freaks?

Really, to what end does this eternal and vicious cycle based upon their sociopathic needs continue?

So, how long will the manipulators remain without legions of honest and hard-working minions?

Wait…Perhaps a better world would emerge given the final and pure ascendancy of their kind: LoL

Maybe…But, without the cheering crowds, cheap labor and vast armies, wont their game grow dull?

For with no audience to listen and no subjects to control, what, then, is the real point of their lives?

And who would now perform the myriad of mundane tasks which have always been beneath them?

And, in the end, what have we, the passive, patient drones, actually lost in tossing off our serfdom?

Gosh, there’d be no writers for their clever and well-delivered hot air speeches – and no audience

Clearly, propagandizing only to each other without legions of cheering supporters won’t satisfy them

So their genocides and purges would only wipe out their own kind: Wow, that would be truly terrible!

Right… Can’t you just picture them painfully bent over in the rice fields, with no peasants to rule?

So why bring up more good kids in honest poverty to be sacrificed to their petty, ego-driven disputes?

Go on about your real business and leave them to stand up for themselves against their own vile kind

And should they call upon you for god, family and country, force them to lead in real battle as well

Really, give them the entire world and see just how they adjust to the new necessity of honest work

So, let’s set them free of the addiction to our slavery to feed their attention-seeking insecurity

Liberate them like the parents of twentysomething drug addicts – by not supporting their habit

Yup, the tough love of having them do their own lowlife tasks might even have some benefit

And if that doesn’t fix things, well, we wont be left still suffering from their cankered obsessions

Stop feeding their eternal and hopeless need to fill the insecurity that threatens them so much

An end to their marketed catchphrases and expensive slogans meant to enslave our imaginations

Grant them their freedom from our servitude and maybe we can finally actualize our own potentials

It’s the destructive co-dependency of the honestly-faithful and the amorally-insecure that must end

Tips From Professional Suck-Ups

Immediately ignore this useless co-worker and turn up a smiling face for ta-da Here comes the boss!

Don’t forget to ask if his wife, what the hell was her stupid name again?, is feeling any better

Quick now, look eager, right, that’s the way for a budding, would-be-successful middle manager

Tack up that latest memo she wrote, right beside your nodding head in that neat little cubicle

Should I use my simpering grin or that hearty laugh to ingratiate myself to him this time?

Smile and say Hello, act interested, and try to remember their whatever drivel from yesterday

Straighten up and suck it in so she can palpate your great respect by imperious glance alone

Pop your head up with a hearty greeting you self-centered shoulder-climber: You need this job

Actually… I’d be very interested in your take on this market situation if you wouldn’t mind

Oh yes, I got that email and my people are already on it, even as we speak

You know, I can really see the sense in this shared vision thing that you guys put together

Gosh, it always seems like you’re already busy when I get in and still hard at it when I leave

Focus in, prick up those ears and really act like you are just full of the most rapt attention

Ask that question you thought up that you know will start him to smilingly strut and hold forth

Hmmm, Where should I sit in this meeting room to optimally display my completely abject support

Just keep in mind that your real work here is to cultivate relationships with those in charge

I’m not here to make waves so I appreciate any personal advice you might be able to share

How’s your golf game going with that new set of woods you were telling us about?

That was really funny when you were talking to that new salesman the other day

If you have a minute, I have a quick question about our new strategy going forward

Don't you dare show your anger when she dismissively waves you off again to talk to her ignorant kid

Got to find something similar to those hideously tasteless shoes she’s always wearing

Stay aware that keeping his project schedule updated is more important than any real work you do

Suck up by telling her that you’re facing a tough issue and that you could really use her input

Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed, how do you always manage your time so effectively?

But, remain ever ready to scuttle beneath new leaders should office politics suddenly change

Keep hoping the real bosses might remember your name from their 30000’ overview level

Unconsciously know when to switch screens and drop your cell call cause she’s walking by

Silently leave your coworkers hanging out alone should they dare to raise some contentious issue

Don’t ever mention any of the layoffs, failed projects, stalled initiatives and discarded objectives

Portray yourself to be as trusting and energetic as a good child and as loyal as a lovable pet dog

Offhandedly mention work stuff that happened really early, late at night or on the weekends

Always be ready to grab credit from some contractor or shift blame to a grumpy old employee

Be sure that they are aware you are so eager to move up but: only via their wise mentoring

At every opportunity make it appear as if you are sacrificing your personal life for their vanity

Be that unctuous sycophant even as you kick down with killer sociopathic focus, and you will go far

Not Yet Explicitly Prohibited

If there is not yet explicit regulation on their newest chemical additive, they wont study it’s effects

Like teens who haven’t developed morality, they smash, grab and slink away in every direction

Closet leaders fear regulations far more than any societal problems their corporate activities create

In fact, they pay gibberish-speaking lawyers fortunes to amorally circumvent good faith legislation

But they make up for it with warm and folksy ads glorifying their respect and love for their people

Technically avoiding doing what is right is a profitable game they’ve rigged, and they play hardball

Fact is, if you don’t ease up on the intrusive regulations, they’ll find tax breaks someplace that will

And how the workers clamor for jobs they provide that keep their families just at the poverty line

They’ll tell you to your face that mining waste cleanup truly has no place on their income statements

Besides, no rules prohibited them declaring bankruptcy, moving away and leaving us a mess behind

It was more profitable to fight health claims for years in court rather than to aid sick ex-employees

They are not responsible for outsourced ingredients, manufacturing or design, and so it should stay

Sagely they take advantage of lower labor costs overseas, helping everyone to an equal poverty level

They trumpet their social advances even though their workers cannot afford the items they produce

But, lo, their own payouts increase yearly, just as surely as healthcare costs and defense outlays

Loading loan fund tranches with dogs and hedging against their purchasers was not explicitly illegal

They’ll spin off unprofitable divisions so fast it makes their workers heads spin in unemployment lines

They routinely swallow up each other using that merge, cut labor 20% and reap-a-fat-bonus formula

Their empty ruthlessness masked by folksy spokespeople pushing an expensive but empty spin

Accountants advise them it’s more profitable to buy research than to stop poisoning mother’s milk

Their fanatical need to money and power is genetically free of any element of social responsibility

Safe behind anonymizing corporate doors they freely exercise their compulsive and narrow excesses

Their lack of empathy regarding the effect of their actions on others is just vile corporate sociopathy

Like deceitful pre-adolescents, their complicated defense is really: You never said not to do Tha-yat

They take full $credit for success but deny any knowledge and control when ‘excesses’ are revealed

It’s funny how their expensive expertise transfers from soft drinks to computer software, undiluted

But don’t you try to get a job in another field without both Years of training and Lots of experience

And don’t forget their legacies – fictionalized biographies, as artificial as their bogus press releases

When legislation finally comes, their cleanup is grandfathered out and off they go to freer markets

They cancel pensions to remain competitive but their ironclad contracts pay off come profit or loss

Their glitzy stories change with each co-opted social movement but they never lose their real focus

They lobby fiercely against rules to cure side-effects any moral being would have fixed on their own

They waltz off to re-appear under different corporate names with their bonuses and org-charts intact

They follow the letter of the law, profiting on the not-yet-explicitly-prohibited for as long as possible

Quietly pulling strings, pushing buttons and making donations, they flourish outside of governments

Vain little banty roosters in tailored suits strutting adroitly around laws their own lawyers crafted

Unnecessary And Unpatriotic Questions

Why does it take regulation to get you to do the right thing which you must always first call meddling

How well do you sleep opposing mercury emission rules to protect the brains of infants and birds

Why can you insist that your company did nothing wrong but agree to pay that huge fine and penalty

How does it feel to have been lying so much and so often that it now feels just like telling the truth

Does god tell you to worry more about pollution regulations than what pollution does to people

How could you stuff mortgage funds with bad loans, hedge against them, yet pitch them as safe bets

Why must you always, always, overstate the savings and underestimate the costs of gov’t programs

How come golden parachutes work come profit or loss but you cancel benefits owed to the offshored

Why do you tailor purchased research just so you can keep harming your customers a little bit longer

What sense does it make to raise the retirement age when firms routinely dump all workers over 50

Why must we be expert at your deliberately over-complicated financial scams and work full time

How come you keep overusing livestock antibiotics which breeds resistant strains that infect humans

Why do you keep trying to falsely differentiate between lobbying, consulting and influence-peddling

What enduring patriotic wisdom is there to your greedy, one-track, pursuit of over-the-top millions

How can you be so eager to clear your name but be so unable and unwilling to make any statements

How come we even need the EPA if everyone loves the earth as much as your warm corporate ads say

Doctors, what possible excuse could you have for secretly taking money and perqs from drug firms

Yeah and you, why are 5% of patients responsible for fully 50% of all our bloated healthcare spending

And how will your blessed free market bring healthcare to unemployed, dropout, unmarried mothers

How could you just lay in front of TV for 20 years and dare bitch cause you’re fat and have no skills

Why are your out-of-context statistics any more valid than the junk science you rail so loudly against

How dare you claim innocence as your outsourced, uninspected, foreign ingredients poison customers

Why must you exaggerate, omit, take out-of-context and just plain lie during your political debates

How is it you spend millions on flag-waving ads after you offshored design, production and support

How can you keep a straight face hailing more spending without new revenues as bipartisan progress

How do you justify poisoning consumers on sugar, salt and fat just to snatch your tainted millions

To what end do you support outspending all other countries combined on arms, each and every year

How will you keep a straight face reading your expensive and fictional biographies to the grandkids

Why do you play the Hitler card when debating the birthrate of those mired in generational poverty

How can you proudly deny we create a mass extinction with our divine duty to fruitfully overpopulate

How could you so quietly ignore the thousands of liberated civilians euphemized as collateral damage

What makes you trumpet our national glory despite education, healthcare and employment statistics

How dare you counsel foreigners to eco-preservation given our SlashAndBurn/SmashAndGrab record

How could you put 599 additives in your cigarettes yet leave in the polonium from the fertilizer

Why is it you believe that your spoiled, illiterate, slacking offspring will be tomorrow’s world leaders

How can you stand to pimp them an imaginary eternal heaven in exchange for their fictional souls

To Those Nobly Defending Our Faraway Homeland

have you confused honor with blindly following inane orders from uninvested, faraway politicos?

did you give up your duty to critical thought to unquestioningly follow any and all orders?

whose lives have you seen get better despite your expensive and lonely efforts?

did we thoughtlessly just go to the mall as you uncritically destroyed societies to keep us safe?

wake up brave defender of my freedom, things are not getting better – either here or there

sorry but your comrades sacrifices actually are in vain given the corruptness of the host countries

you’re not to blame for going or for ‘losing’ but – it is your decision to deploy and…re-deploy

greedy subcontractors are growing rich doing nothing – while enjoying your protection

the rest of the world did not support you then and still they sadly shake their heads

why should you take an IED for the televised political speech bravery of our artificial leaders?

guess what, the Hajis really do hate you and want to see you dead or gone

just because you volunteered, did they also make you check your brain at Paris Island?

how’s it feel to be a web-based pawn in the war games they play – From inside The Clean and Safe?

following their faith-based orders for duty, honor and country has brought shame upon us all

you may choose to die for their fantasy but please don’t think you’re doing it for me

hey, can you fight harder for other’s rights and freedom by giving up all of your own?

yo, boots on the ground - are you just mindless puppets who simply take any and all orders?

quit being tools in their foolish blunders until they send their own kids

bring back your Guard helicopters for all the disasters here at home

look, you’re getting vile pity instead of honor for their wanton and wasteful sacrifice

you can’t have any kind of wining tactics because they have no real objective

they can’t simply let it fall or go all in to win so they just leave your tough asses hangin out

even seeing eye dogs have to disobey orders which are a danger to their owners

do you think the little kids will ask you if you were there when they saved the Middle East?

you’ll share a lot of alienated isolation with those who were wasted since long ago in ‘Nam

mealy-mouthed politicians are profiting from your hardships to get themselves elected

they used your sense of duty and honor to waste your lives on their personal savior’s fool mission

if you really want to do nation building, come on home - we need all the help we can get

like even they said - there ain’t gonna be no parades and no surrender ceremony

but you may well be left to nightmares, phantom pain and a lonely and alienated depression