Our Ordained Exceptionist Burden

      Indeed, We are a special people, with a mandate from heaven to lead from our shining city on the hill.

For so it is written: God chose us over the heathen and we don’t even hafta try and understand why

Global treaties and agreements don’t bind us, but we’ll harshly enforce them upon our evil enemies

We provide ThE moral compass to all His creation, read by the guiding light from our revealed truth

Our blessed children lead the world in ignorant pride – But, not in reading, science, math or morals

Trained in contempt for histry, we do totally trust in our newly-minted Traditional Family Values™

And of course, Ours Is thE finest healthcare system in the En-tire world, despite all yer ‘satistics’

Absolutely, We have the right to live large off credit debt provided by whatever asian peasants

Gridlock, tempered by a total lack of political will, exemplifies our noble checks and balances system

We do not torture but, Look - Enhanced interrogation techniques did save thousands of our citizens

We justly pump billions to our bankers even as we demand foreign countries free up their currencies

Our Preemptively-Defensive Wars Of Liberation bear no relation to their Evil Terrorist Aggression

We may exploit our tiny remaining old growth as we wisely counsel others to total eco-preservation

We still proudly tout equality though our rich get richer, the poor poorer and the middle class shrinks

Only we can loose the vainglorious God Bless America edict following each and every political speech

We shall never confuse our divinely-granted Exceptionism with but mere circumstance or dumb luck

Subsidizing industrial agriculture exports is proper for us but quite immoral for the rest of the world

We don’t need costly new roads, bridges, dams, power grids and water works like them feriners do

We can warn of their increased military outlays even as we outspend them all combined: Every Year!

We shall never be bound by any international treaty which might threaten our precious sovereignty

We can smirkingly diss junk climate research citing our rigged opinion polls of the clueless population

We scorn Islamic republics though we too make our political decisions privately with personal saviors

Our divinely granted role is to prevent them obtaining WMDs, even as we modernize our huge stocks

Our god is love and he does direct us to remain the world’s greatest weapons producer and exporter

He blesses our government support of brutal dictatorships so long as they sell our donors trade favors

Follow our lead into obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol, heart disease and stroke

Of course, you may enjoy your freedom of religion, but you’re not free from our religious intolerance

Just be happy to pay criminals to smuggle you here so you can be mistreated and exploited by fools

Naturally, you should happily swallow our media although we can’t find your Whateverstan on a map

Everyone: Give up your land mines and chemical arms but, naturally we’ll keep ours close at hand

God guides our unmanned drones into their dusty hovels but satan flew as a terrorist co-pilot on 9/11

Keep your foreign noses out of our business, but you obey this UN resolution or we’ll begin air strikes

You cannot try our citizens in your World Court but we’ll help them catch and punish our enemies

Our beacon of hope to the world is so much more than a neon reflection of our smarmy propaganda

Only we have the divine right to lecture others on human rights, ecology and fiscal responsibility

Frack all yer so-called objective measures, This here is still ThE greatest country on gods green earth

For we alone wear the exceptionist leadership mantel granted to the family of man by our redeemer

Our Crumbling Happy Ever After

Met a girl and we fell in love and had 3 of just the most precious and exceptional children, Ever

Wound up divorced and them kids caint read but they are all like totally pierced and tattooed

LiarLoaned us a home with equity potential and a pool, and we made it into our family piggy bank

Refied and spent it all on ourselves and then strategically defaulted on all the underwater notes

Tried sucking my way up in various firms faking it for long hours, weekends and many holidays

They outsourced me permanently at age 50, broke, without a pension – and no benefits til I’m 70

God blessed us with America so we wreaked a violent, and chaotic dominion from sea to shining sea

Ran out of new resources to exploit but do have lots of debts, dirty water and poisoned air to pass on

We worked and saved all our lives, held our heads up high and did not owe a penny to anyone

Wound up broke and drugged, numb and neglected laying in our own wastes, in a septic nursing home

Charged ourselves every new electro-gizzie that the hordes of Chinese slaves provided us on credit

Then we just cut up them cards - since the government bailed out the banks: It was OK for us as well

Worked for years trying to build a sense of community in what we railed on as our racial toxic ghetto

Got pushed out by higher taxes as greedy white developers moved in and gentrified right around us

Finally managed to retire with a little money and a good wife to that long-awaited happily ever after

Lasted nearly 2 years before the pre-funeral healthcare industry swallowed up our entire savings

Followed the call to serve my beloved country and they forged us into a noble warrior team

Now I lay here with my honored brothers for as long as forever really might be to we human beings

Clucked our tongues from inside our cars at the crumbling Indian ruins in that hot and dusty desert

Cause now we know the way to the Happily Ever After, smug in pre-redeemed and everlasting souls

Our Inalienable Reperductive Rights

Yup, god give us the duty ta drop all the damn kids we want without needin no license er trainin

We can proudly pass on shared ignorance and media-generated superstition just as much as we want

Look, dinit our precious savior say ta go forth and out-multiply them filthy infiydels, anyways?

It’s easy to see that overpopolation is one more phony left-wing plot, just like that global warmin

Mothers really dont need fathers to raise children, so you go on ahead, get high and pregnant agin

We’ll stand with you, shoot the abortion killers then abandon your bastard kids to poverty and prison

Yes, we can - Piously ignore the fact that the poor over-propagate while the educated barely breed

Our land needs many more people anyway cuz we gotta meet the growin threata them asian hordes

Don’t forget that god grants us the right to kill to prevent abortionist murder of the innocent unborn

But, after that, it’s every fatherless 6^th generation welfare crank mother’s amoral, fat kid fer itself

Duh-uh, of course! All your blessed progeny toddle happily off into a brighter future than you did

They’ll outcompete the world for the best new McJobs over ta Wal*Mart, Conoco and Starbucks

After all aint them Traditional Family Values™ they got everybody on all about our precious children?

We just need to mono-crop miracle GMOs on more razed marginal habitat to meet our food needs

By God, aint nobody gonna tell you that yer too stupid, unhealthy, ignerant and poor to have kids!

You caint help with homework but you can sure teach em how to drink, fight, be lazy and get fat

Not only is it against gods will, your so-called family planning is namely a racist and genocidal plot

Look, Ārăb terrorists out-reperduce us right now so its our sacred duty to rear lotsa new believers

We aint overpopulatin like some damn algae bloom on the earth that’s doomed to crash real hard

The sky aint fallin and the world can support 10 billion people with only a coupla real minor tweaks

So, yeah, go ingrain yer kids with such true patriotic ideals like self-entitlement and ignerent pride

They’ll figure out slick ways to bottle recycled sewage and Ag-chemical runoff water fer drinkin

Anybody who says we are like robbing the future haint looked at my darlin’ offspring lately

Goddamn right every life is sacred: Even if we pre-condemn it to an ignorant and grinding poverty

After all, we aint never lettin facists or liberals get up there and tell us who kin breed and who caint

Plus, the government owes us fat subsidies and tax breaks for reperducing according ta His will

All of those foregone little bastards got the right to rot at the same failed schools and costly prisons

Masturbation, prostitution and birth control are also mortal sins, so dont you ever go there, either

Hey, But there aint no way we’re letting them wicked and depraved queers get help havin kids

Yet we must help the handicapped fulfill they human destinies with costly, hi-tech reperductive aids

Our evangelicals can proudly push His message of faith-based abstention onto them foreign heathens

We’ll shuffle our own unwanted and neglected to foster homes and such til theyre old enough for jail

We’ll just let the free market provide pre-natal care for the unborn in sin of them godless iniquitous

They can get their damn infant enrichment laying in baskets at the poisoned edges of the onion fields

The entire world population could all comfortably fit into west Texas, so what is your real agenda?

Yup, with god and country on our side, our sacred duty is to spread our seed, be fruitful and multiply