Paleocene–Eocene Thermal Maximum Shatters Global Warming Hoax

The Paleocene–Eocene Thermal Maximum – a time period of high CO2 56 million years ago when it was 9°F warmer than today

You and I and they aint never gonna pay for this whatever global damn warming, so just get over that

So, the real question is how can we painlessly unwedge our obese asses from out of this scam?

Well, actually, this shit has happened Before, like 56 million years ago, according to real scientists

Sure, a lot of species got wiped out but, hey, they say evilution sped up and lotsa new stuff appeared

That Arctic ocean was as warm as them filthy waters off New Jersey ever summer, way back then

And they wasn’t a bunch of plastic litter and contaminated needles washing up on the beach, either

Why, way upta Montana there was some kinda jungle, like there’s now down in litter-filled Guatemala

Sea level was like 200’ higher than today, but we already got real estate people to deal with that

It will be well over 100º for months and months on end all across ThE greatest country on the planet

But remember, we got good old, coal-fired A/C at our fingertips, so that aint gonna really bother us

Jungle vegetation, poisonous snakes and biting, disease-ridden insects will move up to the new warm

Yup, it’ll be a great opportunity for life forms and patriotic entrepreneurs to compete and flourish

Damn it’s good to finally have a real solid scientific basis fer bashing crap like that fool Cap-And-Trade

Anyways, it is, and always has been, in God’s hands and of His will, so we need only to seek happiness

Yup, hell with that Paris Agreement, kill the dumb emission requirements and all the green energy shit

Let’s just face up to a changed world without damn coral reefs and whatever polar bears and belugas

We can all migrate on up north, Hell, Canada and Russia are just vast arctic wastelands now anyway

And think of how big that frozen dead rock called Antarctica is: We can go and fight over that, too

After all, Australia will be plain uninhabitable, but happily, so will that whole miserable Middle East!

Soon, Flarida will be far underwater – but nobody will be worrying about escaping the Snow, either 😊

We’re releasin whatever CO2 a hunert times faster than back then but that aint a proven problem

So, the good news is this: It’s God’s Will, It’s happened before and We don’t need to worry about it

We can keep smashing and grabbing our way thru: Socialist planning once again proven unnecessary

It’s wise to believe in climate change now cause real scientists we can believe, say it happened before

No more false choices between family-oriented GDP growth and that whopping global warming hoax

Look, this just demonstrates once again the foolishness of all the squishy crap coming out of that EPA

We got like 4-500 yrs to adapt to the heat and rising seas and all the CO2 will be gone in only 150K yrs

Well, sure, Himalayan glaciers and shit are going to suffer but, after all, it is Survival Of The Fittest

So, I’m embracin CO2 emissions, global warming and climate change as long as it don’t raise my taxes

Just had to wait a while for the right explanation to come up sos we can all get on message together

Yippee, yer gonna see palm trees instead of corn fields in Ioway and Calarada aint gonna get no snow

But it don’t frackin matter cause we aint gonna hafta pay for any wack and useless CO2 containment

This is the stuff of a soundbite answer to those who would risk jobs and money for some vague future

Now we can reframe climate change as a minor inconvenience laced with great economic opportunity

It’s exactly the kind of do-nothing quick-fix we needed to celebrate as a bipartisan victory for us all

So next time they whine about that awful Global Warmin tell em to go study up on that good ol PETM

Dear Mommie, From Our SUV

Well, the sun is coming through the haze a little after so many daysa that dark and dirty rain. Stephen says the plants that never lost their leaves are already budding out again and it’s not even February. It aint even been cold enough to freeze the terlet we dug outside the SUV.

You know I lost another baby, and the doctor at the free clinic says it’s impossible to tell what might be the cause, but not to feel too bad cause it’s happening a lot to all of us. Maybe it was for the best since one of them 15 Chinese families that moved in on our block had a son born so deformed the officials come and took him off somewhere fer study or somethin. But folks here say the asians was already sick from stuff back in their homeland.

I got selected for a day job down to GlobalPlex helping to mine plastic at the old dump for the first time in a month last week, spent 12 hours in an old HazMat suit that was really hot even with all the holes. They told us we didn’t need our air bottles cause the wind was blowin just a bit. They even said I should come back when my cough subsides again. They make their daily picks at 5 AM, kinda like you used to say they did with them illegales. We get paid every night and their store stays open for an hour longer. Bought us some chips and sodas.

After 5 years spent freedom-fighting all over the middle east our Jimmy come home 2 months ago with a really nice printout of his discharge. He says he’s still really jet-lagged and has to sleep through the days and go out at night. He don’t complain much about the blurry vision and his new hand works pretty well, too. The cops have been real understandin about the fightin, drugs and the gunshots cause theyre all vets theyselves.

We been burning our trash out in the yard for pert near 2 years now and the kids love to run around in the smoke. But, they don’t like carryin water from the creek cause it smells so bad and they’re always slippin around in the mud. We mostly boil it before we drink it but sometimes its just too nasty out to split any firewood and we all get them terrible shits.

Every one of us still misses Daddy every day, specially when we get our rations, cause the army guys are always thinking that he’s off hiding somewheres when we’re standin in the lines. All the kids are doing in school is bible memorization, when they make it there at all.

The lecktric come on for maybe an hour last week and shocked hell right out of us when a radio all sudden kicked on. Same guy was still rattlin on about staying calm and indoors as much as possible and such. Not even the first fool commercial and boy that has taken some real gettin used to. They said the war was going well and our like ecunomic fundymentals are still real strong.

You know you’d think we was living some kinda life of leisure what with not having to cook or go to work and stuff like that. But really them MREs they been passing out for months got tiresome long ago and GlobalPlex just don’t have enough work for half of us on any given day...But dogs are disappearin and theys been this smell of barbecues.

Welp, gotta sign off soon here and get Sussy ta the clinic to see about the crusty stuff that’s closing up her eye. We’ll be gone a couple days what with the walking and the lines. I’ll save this letter for you in case things might ever get back to sorta normal and we can get tagether. I mean I don’t really know where you are and anyways, the post office has been closed for months now. Hope that Daddy got buried proper.

Lots of Love and XXXs, Emmie.