Immediately ignore this useless co-worker and turn up a
smiling face for ta-da Here comes the boss!
Don’t forget to ask if his wife, what the hell was her
stupid name again?, is feeling any better
Quick now, look eager, right, that’s the way for a budding,
would-be-successful middle manager
Tack up that latest memo she wrote, right beside your
nodding head in that neat little cubicle
Should I use my simpering grin or that hearty laugh to
ingratiate myself to him this time?
Smile and say Hello, act interested, and try to remember
their whatever drivel from yesterday
Straighten up and suck it in so she can palpate your great
respect by imperious glance alone
Pop your head up with a hearty greeting you self-centered
shoulder-climber: You need this job
Actually… I’d be very interested in your take on this
market situation if you wouldn’t mind
Oh yes, I got that email and my people are already on it,
even as we speak
You know, I can really see the sense in this shared
vision thing that you guys put together
Gosh, it always seems like you’re already busy when I get
in and still hard at it when I leave
Focus in, prick up those ears and really act like you are
just full of the most rapt attention
Ask that question you thought up that you know will start him
to smilingly strut and hold forth
Hmmm, Where should I sit in this meeting room to optimally
display my completely abject support
Just keep in mind that your real work here is to cultivate
relationships with those in charge
I’m not here to make waves so I appreciate any personal
advice you might be able to share
How’s your golf game going with that new set of woods you
were telling us about?
That was really funny when you were talking to that new
salesman the other day
If you have a minute, I have a quick question about our
new strategy going forward
Don't you dare show your anger when she dismissively waves
you off again to talk to her ignorant kid
Got to find something similar to those hideously tasteless
shoes she’s always wearing
Stay aware that keeping his project schedule updated is more
important than any real work you do
Suck up by telling her that you’re facing a tough issue and
that you could really use her input
Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed, how do you always
manage your time so effectively?
But, remain ever ready to scuttle beneath new leaders should
office politics suddenly change
Keep hoping the real bosses might remember your name from
their 30000’ overview level
Unconsciously know when to switch screens and drop your cell
call cause she’s walking by
Silently leave your coworkers hanging out alone should they
dare to raise some contentious issue
Don’t ever mention any of the layoffs, failed projects,
stalled initiatives and discarded objectives
Portray yourself to be as trusting and energetic as a good
child and as loyal as a lovable pet dog
Offhandedly mention work stuff that happened really early,
late at night or on the weekends
Always be ready to grab credit from some contractor or shift
blame to a grumpy old employee
Be sure that they are aware you are so eager to move up but:
only via their wise mentoring
At every opportunity make it appear as if you are
sacrificing your personal life for their vanity
Be
that unctuous sycophant even as you kick down with killer sociopathic focus,
and you will go far
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