Almost Monday Morning

Well, it’s almost Monday morning, wunce agin without no warnin

Said things was getting better cause us ducks caint get much wetter

I aint no bailed-out bankin snob or getting by on your basic welfare fraud

Yup, its halfpast Sunday evnin, and it sure aint no help ta grievin

Yessir, it’s almost Monday morning and who was it said poverty is boring

Took the kids out fer their school clothes but they just wanted them new iPhones

They aint goin to no sock hops and they wont wear stuff from no thrift shops

And its halfpast Sunday evnin, so maybe I’ll jest take to thievin

Hey, it’s almost Monday mornin and the wife’s jist back from whorin

Ma old truck needs new tires and I still aint fixed them melted wires

Caint buy no real cigarettes but we’re still gettin good fastfood nerishmint

Sure its halfpast Sunday evnin and once more I get this dream of leavin

Listen, it’s almost Monday morning and the traffics not yet quite roaring

99 weeks of unemployment aint exactly what I’d think of as enjoyment

All the kids can text but their meds give em readin side effects

Once again it’s halfpast Sunday evnin and I heard them liberals schemin

It’s almost Monday mornin and we done drunk up the rent again, little dorlin

Got doctors down to the ER, but that free dentist is just too damn far

Already sucked up all the good beer, looks like my youngest really is queer

Wow, it’s halfpast Sunday evening but see I get this trouble breathin

Christ, it’s almost Monday mornin and the bill collecters will be callin

Hey, its really just like its rainin so there aint no use to complainin

The broke junk all comes from Shanghai and their phones all go ta Mumbai

Holy shit, it’s halfpast Sunday evenin with nothin to believe in

Whoa, it’s almost Monday morning and I still aint buyin that global warmin

We get Cheetos with our food stamps so this modular aint no refugee camp

Blame it mainly on them squishes so I aint takin no job washin dishes

Man, it’s halfpast Sunday evenin and the grandkids wont stop screemin

Look out, it’s almost Monday mornin and this hangover’s sure is splittin

Sissie run off to live with her real dad when they met up down to Rehab

The wife stays somewhere over the rainbow and I got a growth on my elbow

Why it’s halfpast Sunday evenin and I still caint git in touch with my real feelins

Mental Projectile Vomit

Tried to stay real quiet, like off in the background, just getting by with my family on some local level

But this wack media contagion produces a purulent, pus-like slime that I must squeeze from my head

It’s involuntary: Like throwing up spoiled food or the productive green cough of an old lung infection

It’s obviously infinitesimal, but still infinitely more than all of their tiredly-tacit approval combined

Had to have something to point to, maybe to say I told them so, just by bearing this useless witness

I must compulsively and repeatedly examine my effluent like any good geriatric dog turd inspector

Like one of those horrible six foot tapeworms, at maturity it just simply had to try and crawl out

Note: It’s absolutely confused, pointless and random given the ongoing fool accident that is my life

I am forced to try to expel all the rotten advertising, filthy propaganda, dirty lies and false promises

I strive to relieve the cramps produced by the twisted facts I had always swallowed without chewing

Hoped that I could belch out the mercury, lead, diesel fumes, plastic particulates and food additives

Struggled painfully to disgorge those spiny contradictions which simply worked deeper into my gut

Had to say something, or correctly be filed away among all the lazy, ignorant and righteously blind

I’m still exuding lumps of half-digested morals, pre-masticated beliefs and half-baked family values

It’s not from any ethereal inspiration: I’m simply overflowing with a compressed & composted excess

It aint from higher moral ground: It’s more like purging myself by kneeling before the porcelain god

A spasmodic expulsion of squirming masses of festering inconsistencies has become my moral orgasm

So now I regularly excrete unsorted wads of greasy old sales pitches, and that briefly calms me

I suffer a revolting flatulence from the additives found in their incessant hot air political releases

But I had to have something to point to, though I’m quite aware its meaning is only within my mind

I sneeze constantly from allergies to their suits, ties, makeup, lapel flags and flashy propaganda

I just couldn’t remain a placid, bovine team player until they callously outsourced me permanently

There’s just too much bad shit going on that I don’t agree with to nod quietly off, drugged by TV

Dont want them to think I leave Raptured, mutely accepting their vapid smoke, noise and pettiness

Yeah, setting the record straight with feeble, unheard squeaks that evaporate as quickly as I do

This aint no call to action, not looking for followers - Just trying to wipe my brain like I do my ass

Yup, I realize that it’s only for me - not for anyone else to pay attention to, understand or adopt

Motivated solely to purge after my lifelong grunting suckle at the toxic teat of a rancid consumerism

Couldn’t let all their self-serving shit slide any more, even as I slip off into the collective oblivion

Of course it doesn’t matter - but it’s easily as meaningful as the crap they portray as so important

Anyways, not even every whispered sigh of the wind in the trees is heard, much less listened to

It’s just that a rare side-effect of being fattened on pureed bullshit is mental projectile vomiting

Had to say something just for myself but aware that it cant move even one molecule out in the void

This foul waste will soon be more diluted than minnow shit in a stream draining into some vast ocean

But: I aint using whatever mute testimony or like strong silence to let them impute my core beliefs

Nope, I’m leavin a steamin pile of ‘em right here to dry up and blow away along with my lame ashes

What Me Worry?

Alfred E. Neuman

Dead trees and record heat, despoiled oceans and filthy skies – Its just part of gods mysterious plan

Hey, I’m OK with eroded soil, fouled drinking water, poisoned rivers, acid seas and clearcut forests

Let’s carry on with the over-population, fetal heavy metal and patriotic outsourcing for fat bonuses

Be guided by myopic greed, shun all regulation, let rigged free market oligarchies chart our course

You can keep on postponing the tough entitlement decisions and ignoring our decaying infrastructure

Yes, let the loud, black-and-white neo-traditionalists spin us on with slick, simple and angry tirades

Dont raise taxes, lower benefits or decrease waste: Spend more, cut taxes and label it bipartisanship

Right On to failing education, multi-generational welfare, industrial agriculture and more acid rain

It’s OK, I can handle mass extinctions, loss of habitat, climate refugees and nitrogen overdosing

Dieoffs, blights, epidemics, famines, droughts and whatever pestilence can’t even get on my nerves

I’m not obsessing over berserk military spending or my leaders tuning out to their private saviors

So, just why should I fret over coral bleaching, polar bears, rare earths, nitrates or fish changing sex?

I’m compartmentalized via the media hypnosis of ignorance used for control and truth thru repetition

Don’t you think I even notice them leaching pesticides, mercury, PCBs or toxic fracked water

Tortured cattle, poisoned pigs and crippled chickens don’t affect my appetite for good cheap meat

To me, their happy psalm of eternal 3% economic growth is more than some pyramid scam ad jingle

I’m detached from other’s lifelong poverty, drugged child soldiers and the juvenile sex slave trade

Not one abused Chinese peasant worker or languishing Darfurie ever makes it onto my personal radar

I don’t neurotically fix on razed rain forests, toxic aquaculture or vast seas of floating plastic litter

Anyways - So What about them dead albatross and dolphin tithed to us as factory fishing bycatch?

I’m good with soaring deficits and slashed programs as more tax cuts for the rich drain down upon me

Why should I really care if tuna disappear and tigers pad only through their own shit in crowded zoos?

Lack of sustainability don’t bother me and I can ignore every orphan’s plight with equal equanimity

Whats to worry if 40% of our kids are born as bastards and way over half cant read even the big print?

Sure, it’s fair and balanced to solve the complex issues facing us via rigged polls of ignorant voters

Since we are all dumbed-down, amoral and angry there’s no reason for it to bother us individually

I prune overwhelmingly complex alternatives by just keeping it locked on their comforting Either/Or

Failing monsoons, melting glaciers, spreading deserts and thawing methane ice – Hey, It’s all good

Frivolous fashion reports, corporate sports updates and phony entertainment news are my compass

My hypertension, high cholesterol and diabetes-causing obesity don’t rile my spiritual composure

No way do I set there and worry about the Wall Street central planners of my fast food lifestyle

The lucrative government industry of death and destruction known as war caint rile me up no more

Our insane divinely-ordained population growth wont shake my focus on that big weekend coming up

See if I lose sleep cause I toil for childish one-trackers who patronize me to their own insecure ends

What, me worry over all those as-yet unnoticed problems I nurture 24x7 but can never hope to solve

Even uncontrollably spinning down into some like black hole of whatever eternal void cant alarm me

So comfortably analgesic to just not bother trying

so simple to quietly close these tired eyes and ignore all the depressing images

so relaxing to let go this stressed-out mind and blankly disengage

so soon to be so far gone once again, for such a long, long time

so easy to be immersed in their empty, non-stop entertainment

so comforting to grasp for that one more good full glass

so long, it seemed, their skulls laid there empty before they too, simply disappeared

so effortless it is, to blankly let the stressed out mind just go slack

so calming to vacantly be immersed in the next big empty spectacle

so misleading must all of this, far too quickly, surely prove to have been

so appealing to give up any form of real concentration

so soothing to blandly ignore the many vexing issues

so easy to just lay still, until you can move no more

so alluring are their colorfully-vapid extravaganzas

so convenient to help forget one's real trajectory

so very, very little do they leave behind

so comfortable is this easy chair

so soporific are their canned experiences

so soon to sleep, so silently forever, without even one single dream

so obvious that there is no choice but to doze beside the big screen

so fetching are the illusions brought to us on credit

so oblivious the silent moldering of their forgotten grave stones

so upsetting are the empty insights given up to us by the dead

so rewarding to sidestep those difficult considerations

so final and unavoidable nonetheless, is that rapidly approaching endgame

so distasteful their ever-worsening, inescapable situations

so reinforcing to ignore another of those disgusting revelations

so ultimately without the slightest meaning in either, or any, way

so disgusting the images of all their wasted suffering

so peaceful to just look blankly past the many difficulties

so patently unrealistic, to even try and think...for yourself

so bothersome these countless buzzing issues

so restful to cast aside all that convoluted logic

so very, very little remains in focus to look back upon

so confusing is that myriad of choices

so safe to plod quietly along within the mindless herd

so pointless does that make life seem, from such an empty retrospect

so overwhelming to consider that all our noisy drama has no meaning

so stress-avoidant to diligently practice a proud, blind ignorance

so very final each and every corner taken

so unrewarding the choice to try and remain aware

so comfortably analgesic to just not bother trying

so rapidly - so unchangeable, but, at least, with no more troubling decisions

Paleocene–Eocene Thermal Maximum Shatters Global Warming Hoax

The Paleocene–Eocene Thermal Maximum – a time period of high CO2 56 million years ago when it was 9°F warmer than today

You and I and they aint never gonna pay for this whatever global damn warming, so just get over that

So, the real question is how can we painlessly unwedge our obese asses from out of this scam?

Well, actually, this shit has happened Before, like 56 million years ago, according to real scientists

Sure, a lot of species got wiped out but, hey, they say evilution sped up and lotsa new stuff appeared

That Arctic ocean was as warm as them filthy waters off New Jersey ever summer, way back then

And they wasn’t a bunch of plastic litter and contaminated needles washing up on the beach, either

Why, way upta Montana there was some kinda jungle, like there’s now down in litter-filled Guatemala

Sea level was like 200’ higher than today, but we already got real estate people to deal with that

It will be well over 100º for months and months on end all across ThE greatest country on the planet

But remember, we got good old, coal-fired A/C at our fingertips, so that aint gonna really bother us

Jungle vegetation, poisonous snakes and biting, disease-ridden insects will move up to the new warm

Yup, it’ll be a great opportunity for life forms and patriotic entrepreneurs to compete and flourish

Damn it’s good to finally have a real solid scientific basis fer bashing crap like that fool Cap-And-Trade

Anyways, it is, and always has been, in God’s hands and of His will, so we need only to seek happiness

Yup, hell with that Paris Agreement, kill the dumb emission requirements and all the green energy shit

Let’s just face up to a changed world without damn coral reefs and whatever polar bears and belugas

We can all migrate on up north, Hell, Canada and Russia are just vast arctic wastelands now anyway

And think of how big that frozen dead rock called Antarctica is: We can go and fight over that, too

After all, Australia will be plain uninhabitable, but happily, so will that whole miserable Middle East!

Soon, Flarida will be far underwater – but nobody will be worrying about escaping the Snow, either 😊

We’re releasin whatever CO2 a hunert times faster than back then but that aint a proven problem

So, the good news is this: It’s God’s Will, It’s happened before and We don’t need to worry about it

We can keep smashing and grabbing our way thru: Socialist planning once again proven unnecessary

It’s wise to believe in climate change now cause real scientists we can believe, say it happened before

No more false choices between family-oriented GDP growth and that whopping global warming hoax

Look, this just demonstrates once again the foolishness of all the squishy crap coming out of that EPA

We got like 4-500 yrs to adapt to the heat and rising seas and all the CO2 will be gone in only 150K yrs

Well, sure, Himalayan glaciers and shit are going to suffer but, after all, it is Survival Of The Fittest

So, I’m embracin CO2 emissions, global warming and climate change as long as it don’t raise my taxes

Just had to wait a while for the right explanation to come up sos we can all get on message together

Yippee, yer gonna see palm trees instead of corn fields in Ioway and Calarada aint gonna get no snow

But it don’t frackin matter cause we aint gonna hafta pay for any wack and useless CO2 containment

This is the stuff of a soundbite answer to those who would risk jobs and money for some vague future

Now we can reframe climate change as a minor inconvenience laced with great economic opportunity

It’s exactly the kind of do-nothing quick-fix we needed to celebrate as a bipartisan victory for us all

So next time they whine about that awful Global Warmin tell em to go study up on that good ol PETM

Our Right-Wing Savior Told Me So

He came to me in my darkest hour and gave me this faith so now I am pledged to spreading His word

God told me to run for office so, of course, I make my decisions with donor’s tutors and quiet prayer

I feel our country’s manifest and divinely-ordained exceptionism deep in my pledged-to-jesus heart

If the thousands of civilian dead during our liberations were so important - He would have told me

We must bring Gods voice into our government and encourage others to throw off religious dictators

Better a born-again one-day-at-a-time believer than some atheistic, jobkilling sustainabilly

After seeing their blasphemy, I just knew I had to shoot them all so I prepared my arsenal in secret

After breaking God’s law, that doctor pridefully thought himself outside His justice, then I took aim

God tutored me on our duty to retain the greatest military this planet has ever known - at any cost

Our repeated command that God Bless America is simply a reminder to His people of our special role

As they strapped on my bomb, they said I died a martyr while taking His revenge upon our enemies

Let no man question my religious belief for, unlike science, it is beyond any discussion or debate

God told me that he had always blessed only our believers in this sinful world full of false idols

Mine is a very personal faith, emerging from sober bible study and long periods of private prayer

And that faith sustained me thru the dark periods when I had to lay off so many longtime workers

It goes without saying that we have ThE moral imperative as granted only to us long ago by our Savior

Despite my 4 marriages, children out of wedlock and substance abuse, I am reborn as a child in Jesus

For it is only god’s will that separates our family from the poverty that is their cross to bear, alone

My unbending faith quells the fear born of naively trying to understand His Mysterious Ways

For only the fullness of time shall reveal the perfection of His plan, in which I am but a small tool

God revealed to me the prideful err of trying to replace His word with decadent scientific babble

Satan has captured their tongues and therefore do we cover our ears to safely abide in His message

Far better the safety and security of our blessed faith than the frightening uncertainty of rationality

My personal savior makes His wishes known to me in private conversations ending in thankful prayer

I need fear no evil for I am certain to spend eternity in that place He has lovingly prepared for me

I know Satan has their tongues as they lie, saying we barter fictional souls for an imaginary paradise

God has amply demonstrated the pointlessness of that meddling EPA but the blind will still not see

God has allowed me to dehumanize His enemies to the point they can be killed with no remorse

His law against all forms of contraception came in a divine revelation accepted as a matter of faith

So it is our duty to remain fruitful despite their sinful spread of that genocidal overpopulation myth

The falsehood that we merely trade addictions between drugs, alcohol, sex and religion is blasphemy

God made his will known to me and no government can enforce its will upon my conscience

We denounce those who ridicule our beliefs as silly, outdated and irrelevant costumed charades

God commands us to support the state of Israel against the filthy encircling Jihadists, at all costs

It was divinely revealed to us that we must bristle with weaponry against the filthy Christian hordes

God told me to take shelter in his revealed truth when threatened by their secular, so-called reason

We Always Need Another War

We absolutely need a war to divert our innate urge to violence away from bosses, friends and family

Conflict is good for our economy what with all the fulltime soldiering work and WMD-manufacturing

We can co-opt our best scientific minds into inventing brilliant new methods of hideous destruction

Humanity’s aggression against all things just happens naturally - Look: It always has and it always will

Each new litter needs to prove itself as men, and just where and why is actually quite immaterial

And never forget that we got The One True God at our backs, goading us on to righteous slaughter

The flame of vengeance, revenge and retaliation is easily maintained across many generations

Just like those felines we so admire, we are genetically programmed to kill it, if it moves

We don’t even have to glorify bloodshed with hymn and anthem, for our violence has a life of its own

It’s a proven scientific fact that there’s just no point wasting money researching ways to control it

Thus, freedom-loving leaders of the world will always sacrifice other’s children for their own vanity

Luckily, mankind has few other real issues and otherwise things are going so very well for us…LOL!

There’s always been at least one treacherous, lying, child-eating out-group for each tribe or nation

Buddy, aint no shame to preemptively-defensive wars of liberation, what with god on our side

We’ll cluck over sad collateral damage as we gape in ignorant wonder at his mysterious ways

Meanwhile great leaders maintain our focus on awful boogeymen so we can ignore our real problems

Damn, we need a war, it’s been at least what, ten years or so and domestic violence is increasing

TV genocides and internecine slaughters way far away caint really satisfy our needs here at home

We require calls to patriotic sacrifice and caskets coming back to small towns in censored honor

Our kids look for that next group of brain-damaged, PTSD-suffering, drugged amputees to salute

Its so deeply satisfying to be trained to better enact the instincts we’ve been bred to for so long

We don’t just want a war, we really need it, just like a man needs a good orgasm every few days

Always looking forward to that mythical Big One, the one that God prophesied shall end them all

Yup, mothers still wail and cry, but even so, they raise up boys who are eager to run off and die

And it’s such rich grist for stirring tributes, great works of literature and violently-uplifting movies

Goddamn, we just need to kill each other off, right along with anything else that lives or grows

It’s the hallmark of our success as the apex of both evolution and god’s will here on this planet

Nonetheless, those directing our sacrifice must spend lots of time convincing us we do not die in vain

What would we do with all this overpriced military hardware anyway: Beat it into plowshares? Right.

Then how would we keep our own young men from slashing our throats and simply taking our riches

So what if when they come back they cant sleep and will never even be able to talk about it?

Plus, we got this cozy arrangement with the phony churches to bless our wars for tax exemptions

I know we need a war when I just want to shoot some mongeyfonga over a mall parking space

We simply have to direct our overpowering, innate blood lust outside our own pack or we will perish

Why struggle with math and science: The killing fields beckon young immortals to bravery and honor

Train them to react with deadly fire and then just tell them to go on home and raise good families