Leading
our nation and, therefore, the
entire world in per-capita greenhouse gas emissions
Proudly
defending our border - while being utterly dependent upon illegal
labor from the other side
Home
of the for-profit, from inside a cool SUV, drugged, but still exotic,
wildlife hunting preserve
State
with the lowest percent of land
conservation and the absolute filthiest of the nation’s rivers
The
place where foobawl
is indeed a truly vital and important element, at the very core of
life
Legislature
where simply stalling the climate debate is trumpeted as a victory
for personal freedom
A
fantasy land of upscale overpriced mall shopping where driveby
ghettos can be perfectly
ignored
Where
California is scathingly known as the home of those tax and spend
environmental wackos
A
place where obesity can be viewed as a sign of physical strength and
of a righteous prosperity
Where
Colorado is somewhere close enough to spread the toxic disease of
their lifestyle, by RVs
A
place God saw fit to grant coal-powered air conditioning in the good
fight against global warming
They
ensure individual assault weapon
freedom while rigging elections with illegal gerrymandering
Their
fiercely independent apartment
cowboy class runs with rifles mounted in pickup truck windows
Thoughtlessly
addicted to subsidizing terrorists via the lowest average MPG
anywhere on the planet
Known
as the lone star state and jesus knows - they should have remained
independent - And alone
Their
state animal, the armadillo, pretty much sums up their ironclad
impregnability to reason
Righteously
pacing the nation with 60% of all the criminal executions - and happy
to tell you so
Don’t
mess with Texas or you get a 3 step jump on their gunfire to get the
hell out if you don’t like it
Willing
and able to heap a pompous scorn upon people living in places they
can’t even find on a map
Where
comic frauds like willie nelson play golf wearing designer stetsons
and cowboy golf boots
The
place where the broad, self-satisfied
smirk and the harsh, cynical laugh are sure signs of success
They
speak with a wide and ignorant accent that requires subtitles for the
rest of the nation
Ever
ready to support the nuking of potential enemies first and then maybe
sorting things out later
Leaders
of the trend that promotes all recreation as obnoxiously loud and
totally gasoline-powered
Home
of a massive state debt as well as vicious calls for liberal fiscal
responsibility in Washington
Origin
of that compassionate, evangelical, mega-church conservatism and
Traditional
Family Values™
Birthplace
of the kill them before we bother to try and understand them mindset
Where
jesus grants you the sullen right to never engage in any
diplomacy with your enemies
Half
the size of Alaska but with twice the attitude per square foot as New
York City
Embodying
the extraction-based environmental ethos proposed for us all by the
energy industry lobby
Place
where home on the range means being stalled in the broiling smog of
beltway commuter traffic
Their
diesels pull those 50’ trailers which tow 3-4 ATVs, taking
in nature and running loud generators
Where
blacks are ignored, Mexicans are swindled while rich rancher’s
inbred longhorns live like kings
From
the dead shores of the Gulf to the putrid waters of the Rio Grande,
Ah-ha
gotta love that Texas
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