In honor of David Meyer
and how we used to laugh over management follies
Got yanked from another canceled project just in time to join one
more failing release death march
It’s true that we have been faced with some unplanned delays, but
they will not affect our schedule
Worked all day to fix that again but it just broke on the very first
try, so I got that going for me now
Restored our competitiveness by offloading our pension obligations
during our bailedout bankruptcy
Since that line of reasoning no longer aligns with our new policies
we’re simply not going to go there
They’re cutting our losses to re-focus in line with their newest
strategic vision going forward
Never really got onboard and watched as it quickly failed so luckily
I’m done with that as well
Squatting
amid the twisted parts and tattered plans he smiles up all smudged:
‘OK! So that’s all
set’
Sensing management frustration with our unending futile efforts, he
simply proclaimed it good to go
Now they’re saying I need to work again this weekend, so, yup,
things really are coming together
Her boss said there’s no budget for any meaningful re-engineering
so we’re done with that, too
Even if the layoffs and cutbacks don’t work, his CEO golden
parachute will still pay off handsomely
Got to stop this finger-pointing and stay on message with our
ordained take-away from the big boys
All I am saying is that this cutback is a plain no-brainer if the
powers that be still want their bonuses
You can always quit but they’ll damn your reference calls
with innocuous but deadly catchphrases
We must not dwell on past mistakes but rather keep moving forward,
building our brighter future
The service hotline has been disconnected so I’m guessing things
must be going pretty good
They outsourced design, engineering, production and support so, yeah,
I can connect the dots
He even talked to us about the importance of our work so now we all
see why we need to step it up
Got my overseas replacements trained so I’m eligible for possible
severance and that’s good to know
They reclassified that behavior from a bug into a feature so it’s
off our plates for right now
Turns out that missing enhancement we called for, all sudden needs
implemented ASAP: Huh…
The QA people didn’t talk to Support and the Manual is gibberish,
but, hey, It’s time to release
Our leader’s project schedule is up-to-date but we’re really so
far behind… well, how bout that
Seen
a couple managers new cars outside - but we got them point75%
raises going for us, so there
They talked all friendly about their kids and golf game before
mentioning our working late again
They left their catered lunch leftovers in the breakroom, boys, How
bout that for some real benes
Got my external transfer at 50 so I’m done with that, but hey, I
got consulting going for me now
Yes, I understand that the decision to terminate me was based solely
on technical business needs
They said if we earned what ignorant, uprooted asian peasants do,
they would have kept us on
Guzzled my last cup of Self-Responsibility Kool-aid so now I won’t
be demanding Unemployment :)
So, I’m now ready to give up my house for a packed dorm, on call
24x7 for production emergencies
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