The Paleocene–Eocene
Thermal Maximum – a time period of high CO2 56 million years ago
when it was 9°F
warmer than today
You
and I and they aint never gonna pay for this whatever global damn
warming, so just get over that
So,
the real question is how can we painlessly unwedge our obese asses
from out of this scam?
Well,
actually, this shit has happened Before, like 56 million years
ago, according to real scientists
Sure,
a lot of species got wiped out but, hey, they say evilution
sped up and lotsa new stuff appeared
That
Arctic ocean was as warm as them filthy waters off New Jersey ever
summer, way back then
And
they wasn’t a bunch of plastic litter and contaminated needles
washing up on the beach, either
Why,
way upta Montana there was some kinda jungle, like there’s now down
in litter-filled Guatemala
Sea
level was like 200’ higher than today, but we already got real
estate people to deal with that
It
will be well over 100º for months and months on end all
across ThE greatest country on the planet
But
remember, we got good old, coal-fired A/C at our fingertips, so that
aint gonna really bother us
Jungle
vegetation, poisonous snakes and biting, disease-ridden insects will
move up to the new warm
Yup,
it’ll be a great opportunity for life forms and patriotic
entrepreneurs to compete and flourish
Damn
it’s good to finally have a real solid scientific basis fer
bashing crap like that fool Cap-And-Trade
Anyways,
it is, and always has been, in God’s hands and of His will, so we
need only to seek happiness
Yup,
hell with that Paris Agreement, kill the dumb emission requirements
and all the green energy shit
Let’s
just face up to a changed world without damn coral reefs and whatever
polar bears and belugas
We
can all migrate on up north, Hell, Canada and Russia are just
vast arctic wastelands now anyway
And
think of how big that frozen dead rock called Antarctica is: We can
go and fight over that, too
After
all, Australia will be plain uninhabitable, but happily, so will that
whole miserable Middle East!
Soon,
Flarida will be far underwater – but nobody will be worrying
about escaping the Snow, either 😊
We’re
releasin whatever CO2 a hunert times faster than back then but
that aint a proven problem
So,
the good news is this: It’s God’s Will, It’s happened before
and We don’t need to worry about it
We
can keep smashing and grabbing our way thru: Socialist planning once
again proven unnecessary
It’s
wise to believe in climate change now cause real scientists we
can believe, say it happened before
No
more false choices between family-oriented GDP growth and that
whopping global warming hoax
Look,
this just demonstrates once again the foolishness of all the squishy
crap coming out of that EPA
We
got like 4-500 yrs to adapt to the heat and rising seas and all the
CO2 will be gone in only 150K yrs
Well,
sure, Himalayan glaciers and shit are going to suffer but, after all,
it is Survival Of The Fittest
So,
I’m embracin CO2 emissions, global warming and climate
change as long as it don’t raise my taxes
Just
had to wait a while for the right explanation to come up sos we can
all get on message together
Yippee,
yer gonna see palm trees instead of corn fields in Ioway and
Calarada aint gonna get no snow
But
it don’t frackin matter cause we aint gonna hafta pay for any wack
and useless CO2 containment
This
is the stuff of a soundbite answer to those who would risk jobs and
money for some vague future
Now
we can reframe climate change as a minor inconvenience laced with
great economic opportunity
It’s
exactly the kind of do-nothing quick-fix we needed to celebrate as a
bipartisan victory for us all
So
next time they whine about that awful Global Warmin tell em to go
study up on that good ol PETM
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