Indeed,
We
are a special people, with a mandate from heaven to lead from our
shining city on the
hill.
For
so it is written: God chose us over the heathen and we don’t even
hafta try and understand why
Global
treaties and agreements don’t bind us, but we’ll harshly enforce
them upon our evil enemies
We
provide ThE moral compass to all His creation, read by the
guiding light from our revealed truth
Our
blessed children lead the world in ignorant
pride – But, not in reading, science, math or
morals
Trained
in contempt for histry, we do totally trust in our
newly-minted Traditional
Family Values™
And
of course, Ours Is thE finest healthcare system in the En-tire
world, despite all yer ‘satistics’
Absolutely,
We have the right to live large off credit debt
provided by whatever asian peasants
Gridlock,
tempered by a total lack of political will, exemplifies our noble
checks and balances system
We
do not torture but, Look - Enhanced interrogation techniques
did save thousands of our citizens
We
justly pump billions to our bankers even as we demand foreign
countries free up their currencies
Our
Preemptively-Defensive
Wars Of Liberation bear no relation to their Evil Terrorist
Aggression
We
may exploit our tiny remaining old growth as we wisely counsel others
to total eco-preservation
We
still proudly tout equality though our rich get richer, the poor
poorer and the middle class shrinks
Only
we can loose the vainglorious God
Bless America edict following each and every political speech
We
shall never confuse our divinely-granted Exceptionism
with but mere circumstance or dumb luck
Subsidizing
industrial agriculture exports is proper for us but quite immoral for
the rest of the world
We
don’t need costly new roads, bridges, dams, power grids and water
works like them feriners
do
We
can warn of their increased military outlays even as we outspend them
all combined:
Every Year!
We
shall never be bound by any international treaty which might threaten
our precious sovereignty
We
can smirkingly
diss junk climate
research citing our rigged opinion polls of the clueless population
We
scorn Islamic republics though we too make our political decisions
privately with personal saviors
Our
divinely granted role is to prevent them
obtaining WMDs, even as we modernize our
huge stocks
Our
god is love
and he does
direct us to remain the world’s greatest weapons producer and
exporter
He
blesses our government support of brutal dictatorships so long as
they sell our donors trade favors
Follow
our lead into obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol,
heart disease and stroke
Of
course, you may enjoy your
freedom of religion, but
you’re not free from our religious intolerance
Just
be happy to pay criminals to smuggle you here so you can be
mistreated and exploited by fools
Naturally,
you should happily swallow our media although we can’t find your
Whateverstan
on a map
Everyone:
Give up your land mines and chemical arms but, naturally we’ll keep
ours close at hand
God
guides our unmanned drones into their dusty hovels but satan flew as
a terrorist co-pilot on 9/11
Keep
your foreign noses out of our business, but you obey this UN
resolution or we’ll begin air strikes
You
cannot try our citizens in your World Court but we’ll help them
catch and punish our enemies
Our
beacon of hope to the world is so much more than a neon reflection of
our smarmy propaganda
Only
we have the divine right to lecture others on human rights, ecology
and fiscal responsibility
Frack
all yer so-called objective measures,
This here is still ThE
greatest country on gods green earth
For
we alone wear the exceptionist leadership mantel granted to the
family of man by our redeemer
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